As I lay this past weekend to rest in my memory, here are gifts I want to bestow on a few things this weekend:
To the Subway sandwich artist in Aiken, SC: To you, I give the gift of speed. I realize you’re a certified sandwich artist, but good grief, even Bob Ross could get his “happy little trees” painted into a masterpiece in under a half an hour. I just ordered a 6” sandwich, not the Mona Lisa!
To the 40ish looking single guy that happened to hook up with my friend: To you, I give the gift of Oil of Olay. You’re 28? Rrrriightttt. Let’s face it dude, being one of only two single guys at the wedding, the odds were in your favor and you just got lucky. Might I suggest you using the Oil of Olay when you try to pass for 28 the next time because chances are, the competition may be a little stiffer (literally), and that lie’s just not gonna work.
To Drunken Jacks: To you, I give the gift of a good-time crowd. From the looks of things when we arrived, you looked more like a Jack-in-the-Box after the contaminated beef outbreak. It seems we showed up just in time to push your last call from 10pm to 2am.
To the rental 4-door Taurus (aka Taurcedes): To you, I give the gift of honorary 4-wheel biker. While others may have snickered at a 4-door family sedan, you hung in the parking lot like a champ next to those Harleys. You also served us well as a taxi for 8. I mean really, what Harley would be able to do that?
To my eventual future wedding guests: To all of you, I give the gift of keeping whatever hair and fingers you have. While handing out sparklers to all of the wedding guests to light while the newlyweds leave the reception sounds wonderful in theory, one must remember that handing out fireworks to a bunch of guests that have visited the open bar on more then several occasions may not be the best of ideas.
To my body: To you, I give the gift of detoxification. At least until this weekend anyway. Thanks for hanging in there with me. Let’s face it - we’re just not 21 anymore! However, at least you kept it all down, which is a blessing considering the shape that some of my other friends were in (tee hee)!
To Robyn and Dennis: To you, I’ll be giving a wedding gift. Just gotta go buy it first. I hope it’s not just the expensive stuff that’s left on the registry (ha)! Seriously though, thanks for a fabulous time! May the two of you have a lifetime of love (and dogs)!!
2 comments:
Well I am just glad you had such a good time at the wedding. Sounds like it was a blast!
I have to say Kudos to the 40ish guy. He hooked up with a girl even though his "game" was clearly foul. You packed 8 people in a Tarus, thats just impressive. Why bother detoxing yourself, its been raining down here every day, there isnt much else to do other than drink and have a good time unless you like slip and slideing in the rain, j/k.
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