Do you think by talking about someone that you can conjure them up? Nah, me neither, but it sure is curious how just last night, my friend asked me if I had talked to “stormtrooper” lately, to which I replied, “no, thank goodness.” And low and behold, who do I get a call from today on my way home from work? Yep, stormtrooper. (If you could see my eyes right now, they just rolled. If you could see my lips right now, they just grimaced)
For those unaware or have forgotten, stormtrooper (ST from here on out) is a guy that’s a coworker of an acquaintance of mine. I met him about a year ago at a party and he’s been bugging me for a date ever since. I have no interest in dating him for several reasons, most of which is that he’s totally into Star Wars – to the point of dressing up as a stormtrooper and traveling around the U.S. to conventions. That’s SO not my thing. And SUCH a turn-off for me. He thankfully drops out of my life for months and months, and then someone invites him to a party or event that I get invited to, and it starts all over again. The last time he asked me out a few months back, he sent a dozen red roses to me at my office. Not sure when he’ll ever get that “no, thank you” will never turn into a “yes.” Anyway, my acquaintance sent out an evite to a bunch of people, including him. I guess him seeing me on the evite as well triggered the stalker-esque behavior again because he called me tonight at 6:42pm, 7:12pm, and 7:55pm. Here’s how those conversations went:
6:42pm
(unknown number shows up on my cell phone on my drive home from work)
Me – “Hello?”
ST – “Hey, it’s K…. Just wanted to call and let you know I’ll be seeing you at Screen on the Green and I can’t wait to see you again!”
Me – “Oh, you are? (nervous laughter) Well it should be fun.”
ST - “Yes, and I finally got a job. Does that mean there’s hope for me and you and our future together?”
Me – “Ohhh (more nervous laughter) I don’t think so. But congratulations on finding a job!” Beep beep (thank goodness – call waiting!!) “Can you hang on a minute, that’s my other line.”
I click over, it’s my friend so I tell her to hang on, and click back over to ST.
Me – “Hey, can I let you go? I need to take this call.”
ST – “Ok, but you should call me sometime and we’ll go out.”
Me – “Bye!”
7:12pm
Recognize the number this time and don’t pick up.
Voicemail – “Hey again. Sorry to bother you again, I know you’re probably on the other line, but I wanted to see if I could buy you dinner tonight or something. Give me a call as soon as you get this message. Talk to you later!”
My thoughts – NO WAY. First of all, I’m not saying yes to a date with you, but even if I were to consider it (which, again, I’m NOT), you’re definitely not attractive enough to get a date the same night you ask. Sorry dude.
7:55pm
Recognize the number. Roll my eyes and grumble. Again, don’t pick up. What is wrong with this guy?
Voicemail – “Hey, it’s me again. I know this is like the third time I’ve called tonight, but since I haven’t heard back, it doesn’t look like we’ll be having dinner together so I just wanted to say that I look forward to seeing you tomorrow instead. Have a good night.”
As it turns out, the group of people I was going to Screen on the Green with have backed out, so I’m going with another group of friends instead. So, the good news is, I DON’T have to see him!! Maybe he’ll go back to his planet, find a nice Jedi to settle down with, and leave me alone. Seriously, he’s like a “whack-a-mole.” Just when you think you’ve knocked him down, he pops up somewhere else!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Beer and Baldness
The scene: Exposed wood beams, wood floors, neon beer signs, and a kick-ass local band at the local bar with a friend one night about a year ago. This place is definitely not a shee-shee type place, more of a hole in the wall where jeans are about as dressy as the crowd gets. But I like it.
The action: A fun, no frills, laid-back girl’s night. My friend and I were in the crowd out on the dance floor in front of the band, singing and dancing to the music.
The bald-guy: Really tall, bald, muscle meat-head. That’s how I would describe the guy dancing next to us. He started talking to us and we found out that a) he was an Atlanta PD officer in training and b) he was extremely drunk. Out of courtesy, we continued to smile and nod at the conversation, stuck next to him on the crowded dance floor, looking around for the chance for our great escape – to the bathroom, to the bar, to anywhere other than standing next to the very intoxicated wanna-be-a-cop.
The prank: All of the sudden, out of the blue in his drunken thinking, he takes his beer bottle, turns it upside down, and pours beer down my v-neck shirt and into my cleavage! Then starts laughing hysterically! Let me just tell you that I went from cordial to raging bitch in about 2 seconds, if even that. I laid into him on how disrespectful and immature that was and what a jackass he was and on and on and on and he just continued to laugh. He was proud of himself for this stunt.
The fight and the fury: His pride in his actions just added even more fuel to my fire, so in my utter anger, I took the glass of draft beer I was holding and dumped it all over his bald head! For good measure, I then took my hand and rubbed it in and condescendingly patted the top of his head with a few light pats. Ha! Perhaps a bit of stooping to his level, but I was hopping mad. And it takes A LOT to make me mad. I’m not a quick temper kind of girl, but he had gone above and beyond my threshold of patience. With beer dripping from his head and even from his eyelashes, I realized that I had thoroughly pissed him off, to say the VERY least, and soon after I did it, seeing the look in this very large man’s eyes, I regretted my action immediately. He reared back like he was going to hit me and I was scared. Luckily, his friends rushed over and grabbed him and began apologizing profusely to me on his behalf. I stormed off to the restroom to try to dry off the beer dumped down my shirt.
The apology: After ranting about the incident in the women’s restroom and all but ensuring he wasn’t taking home any girl from that bar that night after hearing the kind of man (and I use that term oh so loosely) he is, I got my composure and walked back out. He and his friends were standing just outside the restrooms ready to apologize, with my replacement beer they’d bought for me in hand. I accepted his apology, took the beer, and was happy to go on my merry way, back to the good-time I was having before the prank. But this wasn’t good enough for him. He thought that just because he’d apologized, that we should be friends for some reason, and couldn’t get it through his thick skull that I wanted nothing more to do with him. He followed me and my friend around and kept on and on about how sorry he was. I got to the point where I had to just ignore him in the hopes he’d lose interest in trying to be my friend and leave us alone. His friends finally had to drag him out of the bar. On his way out, his bald head blinded me for a second when the light hit it just right. Apparently beer works wonders for shining up a bald head. :)
The action: A fun, no frills, laid-back girl’s night. My friend and I were in the crowd out on the dance floor in front of the band, singing and dancing to the music.
The bald-guy: Really tall, bald, muscle meat-head. That’s how I would describe the guy dancing next to us. He started talking to us and we found out that a) he was an Atlanta PD officer in training and b) he was extremely drunk. Out of courtesy, we continued to smile and nod at the conversation, stuck next to him on the crowded dance floor, looking around for the chance for our great escape – to the bathroom, to the bar, to anywhere other than standing next to the very intoxicated wanna-be-a-cop.
The prank: All of the sudden, out of the blue in his drunken thinking, he takes his beer bottle, turns it upside down, and pours beer down my v-neck shirt and into my cleavage! Then starts laughing hysterically! Let me just tell you that I went from cordial to raging bitch in about 2 seconds, if even that. I laid into him on how disrespectful and immature that was and what a jackass he was and on and on and on and he just continued to laugh. He was proud of himself for this stunt.
The fight and the fury: His pride in his actions just added even more fuel to my fire, so in my utter anger, I took the glass of draft beer I was holding and dumped it all over his bald head! For good measure, I then took my hand and rubbed it in and condescendingly patted the top of his head with a few light pats. Ha! Perhaps a bit of stooping to his level, but I was hopping mad. And it takes A LOT to make me mad. I’m not a quick temper kind of girl, but he had gone above and beyond my threshold of patience. With beer dripping from his head and even from his eyelashes, I realized that I had thoroughly pissed him off, to say the VERY least, and soon after I did it, seeing the look in this very large man’s eyes, I regretted my action immediately. He reared back like he was going to hit me and I was scared. Luckily, his friends rushed over and grabbed him and began apologizing profusely to me on his behalf. I stormed off to the restroom to try to dry off the beer dumped down my shirt.
The apology: After ranting about the incident in the women’s restroom and all but ensuring he wasn’t taking home any girl from that bar that night after hearing the kind of man (and I use that term oh so loosely) he is, I got my composure and walked back out. He and his friends were standing just outside the restrooms ready to apologize, with my replacement beer they’d bought for me in hand. I accepted his apology, took the beer, and was happy to go on my merry way, back to the good-time I was having before the prank. But this wasn’t good enough for him. He thought that just because he’d apologized, that we should be friends for some reason, and couldn’t get it through his thick skull that I wanted nothing more to do with him. He followed me and my friend around and kept on and on about how sorry he was. I got to the point where I had to just ignore him in the hopes he’d lose interest in trying to be my friend and leave us alone. His friends finally had to drag him out of the bar. On his way out, his bald head blinded me for a second when the light hit it just right. Apparently beer works wonders for shining up a bald head. :)
Monday, June 27, 2005
The Stepford Men
I went out Friday night and had an amazing night for male attention, which is always a great thing (what girl doesn't like flirting and knowing that guys like her?), but knew that the guys that kind of have a crush are a bit below standards for me. Where I may be somewhere as a 5 on the scale to 10, they were somewhere around 3 (including looks and personality). But it's been so long since I had some companionship, I gave lowering my standards some serious thought. But I just can't do it. I just can't. As much as I crave attention and affection lately, dating someone I'm not into just isn't worth it in the long run. Been there, done that. Not worth wasting the time. I was just about to post something on this very subject Desiree did, so I'll just steal hers, tweek it slightly, and I'm done (thanks, Desiree). It seems we have similar taste in men, and I'm sure we're not the only girls looking for this. So while we're at it, I figured we could just cook up several of them for all of us single girls. You know, the Stepford Men. We could just make a base of the basics we want, and add “flavorings” to suit our tastes.
This is the recipe for me*:
Personality -
· 8lbs of smart – about the size of the average brain. Smart enough to stimulate, but not so smart he severely lacks any type of social skills or uses it to boost his ego making me feel dumb (you know those types).
· Equal parts kindness and compassion (including the LOVE of dogs. Darby's a great judge of character and I totally trust him to be a factor in my decision-making - don't forget to check out his posting below).
· Huge helpings of love for his family and want for a family with me.
· One ton of humor. I want to laugh a lot and I want to be able to make him laugh.
· Cups running over with responsibility and independence. NO living with his mama. Oh, of course he must be employed.
· A pinch of sensitivity. Not TOO sensitive, but just the right balance to be respectful, willing to listen, and giving of advice when I need it.
· An outpouring of thoughtfulness and consideration with a few splashes of romance to “kick it up a notch.”
· A double-shot of masculinity. Sissy boys, my friends, are a huge turn-off. I want to feel safe and secure and taken care of.
· If it happens to be in the pantry, I’d love a guy that’s totally into (or at the very least highly adaptable to love) college football, in particular, Univ. of Alabama football.
Physical attributes and attraction –
· At least a smidge taller than me. I’m tall - 5'7 - so as long as he’s at least 3 inches taller than me, I’ll be able to wear heels.
· A large dose of smelling good. I love a man that smells good. I love the smell of soap and/or nice cologne.
· An average amount of good looking. I want that physical attraction and the butterflies, but I don’t want the supermodel that’s stuck on his looks, along with every other woman when we go out, wedging jealousy into the relationship. I don’t really care if anyone else thinks he’s hot- as long as I do. Frankly, I’m not interested in sharing.
· As a staple, I typically prefer brunettes, but I don’t think this changes the recipe all that much so long as all of the other ingredients are in. This can be considered an optional ingredient.
· Finally, throw in every hot and spicy sauce and herb that you can get your hands on. Bam! I want it hot, in every imaginable definition of “it” that comes to mind.
Combine the ingredients from the personality with the ingredients from the physical attributes and attraction and shake vigorously. When mixed correctly, this will be guaranteed to stay fresh, steamy, and sizzling for a lifetime.
* I reserve the right to edit, add, change, and delete ingredients to suit my taste.
This is the recipe for me*:
Personality -
· 8lbs of smart – about the size of the average brain. Smart enough to stimulate, but not so smart he severely lacks any type of social skills or uses it to boost his ego making me feel dumb (you know those types).
· Equal parts kindness and compassion (including the LOVE of dogs. Darby's a great judge of character and I totally trust him to be a factor in my decision-making - don't forget to check out his posting below).
· Huge helpings of love for his family and want for a family with me.
· One ton of humor. I want to laugh a lot and I want to be able to make him laugh.
· Cups running over with responsibility and independence. NO living with his mama. Oh, of course he must be employed.
· A pinch of sensitivity. Not TOO sensitive, but just the right balance to be respectful, willing to listen, and giving of advice when I need it.
· An outpouring of thoughtfulness and consideration with a few splashes of romance to “kick it up a notch.”
· A double-shot of masculinity. Sissy boys, my friends, are a huge turn-off. I want to feel safe and secure and taken care of.
· If it happens to be in the pantry, I’d love a guy that’s totally into (or at the very least highly adaptable to love) college football, in particular, Univ. of Alabama football.
Physical attributes and attraction –
· At least a smidge taller than me. I’m tall - 5'7 - so as long as he’s at least 3 inches taller than me, I’ll be able to wear heels.
· A large dose of smelling good. I love a man that smells good. I love the smell of soap and/or nice cologne.
· An average amount of good looking. I want that physical attraction and the butterflies, but I don’t want the supermodel that’s stuck on his looks, along with every other woman when we go out, wedging jealousy into the relationship. I don’t really care if anyone else thinks he’s hot- as long as I do. Frankly, I’m not interested in sharing.
· As a staple, I typically prefer brunettes, but I don’t think this changes the recipe all that much so long as all of the other ingredients are in. This can be considered an optional ingredient.
· Finally, throw in every hot and spicy sauce and herb that you can get your hands on. Bam! I want it hot, in every imaginable definition of “it” that comes to mind.
Combine the ingredients from the personality with the ingredients from the physical attributes and attraction and shake vigorously. When mixed correctly, this will be guaranteed to stay fresh, steamy, and sizzling for a lifetime.
* I reserve the right to edit, add, change, and delete ingredients to suit my taste.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Superceding Political Party Lines
Wouldn't it be great to turn on the TV and hear any US President give the following speech?
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the Countries listed there. The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations: Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to Speak Arabic.
God bless America. Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the Countries listed there. The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations: Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to Speak Arabic.
God bless America. Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
Friday, June 24, 2005
My Morning This Morning
5:45am
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! *me fumbling around with my eyes closed searching desperately for the snooze button* I hate alarm clocks. Ugh, I'm too tired. Can't. Even. Open. Eyes. *Back to sleep* Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Repeat above step and thought. Do this another 5 more times.
7:30am
Darby the dog – "Is she up yet? Are you up yet? I reeeeeaaaalllyyy need to go outside." *jumps off the bed, sneezes, then puts his front paws back up on the side of the bed, stretches his back, and looks at me with what I’m sure is an uneasiness*
Allye the cat – *sitting on the nightstand beside my bed staring at me* "No she’s not up yet, dummy. Do you see her eyes open? The power of my stare isn’t working either. Time for plan B. Countdown to walking on her head is 10…9…8…7…"
Darby – "Good idea" *jumps back up on the bed directly in the middle of my stomach as if there is a big red circle with the words, “Darby landing pad” written on it*
Me – *eyes open as I clinch my stomach muscles to help keep him from crushing my organs* "Ugh! Darby!" *mumbled with as much sternness I can muster with a morning voice*
Darby – "She’s up she’s up she’s up!! Goooooooooood morninnnngggg!" *presses cold nose against my cheek and jumps back off the bed*
Allye - *jumps off the bed and yawns* "Great. ‘Bout time. When’s a cat gonna get some breakfast around this place?" *swishes tail and walks indignantly out of my room and down the hall towards the kitchen*
7:35am
Me - *throw comforter off, swing legs off the bed and stand up sleepily and a bit dizzy. Pick up my hot librarian glasses, twist rubberband loosely around hair into an unformed bun, and start towards the front door with eyes still closed*
Darby - *waiting at the front door jumping with anticipation - boing boing boing* "Gotta go gotta go gotta go right now!"
Me – *raspy morning voice.* "Ok ok, I’m coming. Calm down." *open the front door and hide behind my door as to not give my neighbors a free show of me in just a tshirt*
Darby - *zzoomm out the front door to the first bush* "Thank you thank you thank you…"
(20 seconds later)
Me - *opening the front door, still hiding behind it*
Darby - *boing boing boing* "Goooooooooood morninnnngggg! Canweeatyet canweeatyet?"
7:36am
Me - *shuffle into the kitchen heading towards my coffee pot. Eyes still half closed* Damn. I forgot to set up the coffee last night. I also forgot to buy creamer. No coffee on a definite need coffee morning. *feed the "kids" and shuffle back into the living room, collapse on the couch and lay back down.*
Me - Zzzzzz
Darby and Allye - ?
8:15am
Me - *open eyes and check time.* Shoot! It's 8:15! Should I call in sick? Yes, I should call in sick. Wait. Nooo, I can't call in sick. I've got 2 meetings I'm supposed to be in. *Sigh. Drag my body off the couch and head for the shower* "I'm going to be late. Very late."
9am
My friend that was at the party last night, too - *on her cell phone calling me* "Hey! Whatareyoudoing? I called in sick..."
Me - oh, the irony
The rest of my morning went pretty routine, however I didn't roll into the office until around 9:45. I stayed just a bit dizzy all day, my eyes were probably never fully open, and my muscles were very lethargic. But I made it through. I'm getting too old to hang out late on "school nights." However, I really feel that employers should implement a "Lenient Friday Policy" to the benefit package that they extend to young people. I mean, really, how focused are we going to be at work on a Friday when we've been out late on Thursday? College professors understood this concept. Why can't employers?
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! *me fumbling around with my eyes closed searching desperately for the snooze button* I hate alarm clocks. Ugh, I'm too tired. Can't. Even. Open. Eyes. *Back to sleep* Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Repeat above step and thought. Do this another 5 more times.
7:30am
Darby the dog – "Is she up yet? Are you up yet? I reeeeeaaaalllyyy need to go outside." *jumps off the bed, sneezes, then puts his front paws back up on the side of the bed, stretches his back, and looks at me with what I’m sure is an uneasiness*
Allye the cat – *sitting on the nightstand beside my bed staring at me* "No she’s not up yet, dummy. Do you see her eyes open? The power of my stare isn’t working either. Time for plan B. Countdown to walking on her head is 10…9…8…7…"
Darby – "Good idea" *jumps back up on the bed directly in the middle of my stomach as if there is a big red circle with the words, “Darby landing pad” written on it*
Me – *eyes open as I clinch my stomach muscles to help keep him from crushing my organs* "Ugh! Darby!" *mumbled with as much sternness I can muster with a morning voice*
Darby – "She’s up she’s up she’s up!! Goooooooooood morninnnngggg!" *presses cold nose against my cheek and jumps back off the bed*
Allye - *jumps off the bed and yawns* "Great. ‘Bout time. When’s a cat gonna get some breakfast around this place?" *swishes tail and walks indignantly out of my room and down the hall towards the kitchen*
7:35am
Me - *throw comforter off, swing legs off the bed and stand up sleepily and a bit dizzy. Pick up my hot librarian glasses, twist rubberband loosely around hair into an unformed bun, and start towards the front door with eyes still closed*
Darby - *waiting at the front door jumping with anticipation - boing boing boing* "Gotta go gotta go gotta go right now!"
Me – *raspy morning voice.* "Ok ok, I’m coming. Calm down." *open the front door and hide behind my door as to not give my neighbors a free show of me in just a tshirt*
Darby - *zzoomm out the front door to the first bush* "Thank you thank you thank you…"
(20 seconds later)
Me - *opening the front door, still hiding behind it*
Darby - *boing boing boing* "Goooooooooood morninnnngggg! Canweeatyet canweeatyet?"
7:36am
Me - *shuffle into the kitchen heading towards my coffee pot. Eyes still half closed* Damn. I forgot to set up the coffee last night. I also forgot to buy creamer. No coffee on a definite need coffee morning. *feed the "kids" and shuffle back into the living room, collapse on the couch and lay back down.*
Me - Zzzzzz
Darby and Allye - ?
8:15am
Me - *open eyes and check time.* Shoot! It's 8:15! Should I call in sick? Yes, I should call in sick. Wait. Nooo, I can't call in sick. I've got 2 meetings I'm supposed to be in. *Sigh. Drag my body off the couch and head for the shower* "I'm going to be late. Very late."
9am
My friend that was at the party last night, too - *on her cell phone calling me* "Hey! Whatareyoudoing? I called in sick..."
Me - oh, the irony
The rest of my morning went pretty routine, however I didn't roll into the office until around 9:45. I stayed just a bit dizzy all day, my eyes were probably never fully open, and my muscles were very lethargic. But I made it through. I'm getting too old to hang out late on "school nights." However, I really feel that employers should implement a "Lenient Friday Policy" to the benefit package that they extend to young people. I mean, really, how focused are we going to be at work on a Friday when we've been out late on Thursday? College professors understood this concept. Why can't employers?
Sharp & Edgy
Can we take a minute and discuss this new vibrating Venus women’s razor, please? Who are they fooling here? I can honestly say that I’ve never, ever, in all of my years of shaving, needed a razor that vibrates to help get a closer shave. However I will admit Gillette's got an ingenious marketing plan for this though, even down to the jingle – “I’m your Venus, I’m your fire it’s your desire.” They’re brave, very brave, taking on the hand-held massaging showerhead manufacturers that have been the butt of jokes for several years. Am I the only one warped enough to see through Gillette's ploy?
On a completely different note, I met a cute guy tonight at the going away party. I wouldn't mind seeing him again sometime. We'll see.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Cheap Bastards.
Today we received the following internal communication and it blew my mind.
INTERNAL COMMUNICATION
TO: Corporate and Division Offices
FROM: EVP/CFO; Senior Director – Financial Operations RE: Expense Reports – Business Meals and Entertainment
SUMMARY
In order to further contain costs, Business Meals and Entertainment must be verbally pre-approved by your Finance Leader.
Reimbursement for Business Meals and Entertainment must only be for legitimate and documented meals with THIRD PARTIES (non-associates) and must not be excessive as to dollar limits or occurrences. Team lunches and team-building events are not considered Business Meals or Entertainment, and are therefore not a reimbursable expense. (of course not, why would they want their associates to have a little fun??)
KEY DATES/LOCATIONS
The designation of Business Meals and Entertainment as a policy exception will take effect on Thursday, June 23.
ACTION REQUIRED
For additional information, view the SOP on the Intranet under Corporate Compliance.
QUESTIONS
Contact the Financial Operations Help Desk, ext. 12043
I mean, I work for a $73 BILLION company, and we can't expense a little lunch every once and again? Ugh. Next thing you know, "to further contain costs," we'll all be assigned a day to mow the lawn and wash the dishes in the cafeteria downstairs. Has everyone signed up for their day for bathroom detail duty? Instead of copiers they'll give us all carbon paper should we need to have a copy of something.
In the meantime, we pay our CEO $26 million with a $6 million parachute clause to be paid FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE if he resigns or gets fired. And I work for slightly better than peanuts yet you'd think the company would collapse should I take a vacation or sick day...
INTERNAL COMMUNICATION
TO: Corporate and Division Offices
FROM: EVP/CFO; Senior Director – Financial Operations RE: Expense Reports – Business Meals and Entertainment
SUMMARY
In order to further contain costs, Business Meals and Entertainment must be verbally pre-approved by your Finance Leader.
Reimbursement for Business Meals and Entertainment must only be for legitimate and documented meals with THIRD PARTIES (non-associates) and must not be excessive as to dollar limits or occurrences. Team lunches and team-building events are not considered Business Meals or Entertainment, and are therefore not a reimbursable expense. (of course not, why would they want their associates to have a little fun??)
KEY DATES/LOCATIONS
The designation of Business Meals and Entertainment as a policy exception will take effect on Thursday, June 23.
ACTION REQUIRED
For additional information, view the SOP on the Intranet under Corporate Compliance.
QUESTIONS
Contact the Financial Operations Help Desk, ext. 12043
I mean, I work for a $73 BILLION company, and we can't expense a little lunch every once and again? Ugh. Next thing you know, "to further contain costs," we'll all be assigned a day to mow the lawn and wash the dishes in the cafeteria downstairs. Has everyone signed up for their day for bathroom detail duty? Instead of copiers they'll give us all carbon paper should we need to have a copy of something.
In the meantime, we pay our CEO $26 million with a $6 million parachute clause to be paid FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE if he resigns or gets fired. And I work for slightly better than peanuts yet you'd think the company would collapse should I take a vacation or sick day...
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Cable Schmable
Ok, so I don’t have cable. For some of you, that may be the 8th deadliest sin, but for me it works out just fine. You see, I did this somewhat on purpose in the beginning, and now I’m just used to it. Oh, don’t think I was some poor little girl that grew up without it, or some freak that came from a family that didn't allow it. No, no, no - I was just like every other country-lovin’, God-fearin’, red-blooded American - I was addicted to cable growing up. I wanted my Nickalodeon and I definitely wanted my MTV. However, when I bought my house and moved in, I made the conscious decision to not sign up for cable. I did this with the thinking that it’d get me out of the house so I wouldn’t become a hermit in my own home. It was my first time living without roommates, just me, and I wanted to ensure that I got out and met new people and did new things. I figured that not having cable would force me to a friend's house to watch something, or to a sports bar to watch my football games. And then I got used to not having it. And then I realized that I could use that $60 a month on a pair of shoes or a new shirt instead of on TV!!. And so, I've just never signed up for it. My rabbit ears serve me very well and my closest overflows with shoes. Besides, PBS has some really intesting showsZzzzzzzz
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Well Strike Me And Call Me a Match - Maker
Boy I really know how to ignite a romance...
I got a response back from college friend Jason. Here's the email I received today from him (note: This email has been edited to fit your computer):
"Maybe I'm not getting as old as I thought. Looks like my memory hasn't failed me completely yet. Boy have we got a lot to catch up on. I wish I would have remembered your email address sooner... well... sooner as in before 1 year 5 months and 10 days ago. Remember the girl that you met and talked into actually dating me? Danica? Well, we got married on January 10, 2004....(edited - got a house blah blah blah got a job blah blah blah)
Are you still single? Dating? Looking? Ever get back over this way? Well, I know I could go on and on, so I'll cut it here for now.We're glad we haven't completely lost touch.
Jason and Danica"
Looks like the answer to the question was sort of a)writing to brag about his wonderful life including wife (but no kids, however it sounds like there's potential to name their first girl after me) and sort of c) the friend thing. Ah hah. It's all coming back to me now. I remember convincing this girl Danica to date Jason in order to get his attention redirected to another girl and off of me! And would you look at that? I'm a full-fledged match-maker now! How funny is that?
Attention all single men looking to get married (As if that exists, but just in case): Apparently I am THE GIRL to date just before you find the love of your life. Jason now makes the 3rd guy to date me (or at least go on one date with me) right before he found the girl he asked to marry. Some people's curse is another's charm. The point is, I'll take one for the team and be the sacrificial date so you'll soon find the love of your life after we stop dating. But, I'm only going to extend this offer to those that are good-looking and smart**. Call me.
**This ensures I won't be the "practice wife" anymore because c'mon, first of all, how many guys actually want to get married, and then how many of those are good-looking and smart? (Am I cynical lately or what?)
I got a response back from college friend Jason. Here's the email I received today from him (note: This email has been edited to fit your computer):
"Maybe I'm not getting as old as I thought. Looks like my memory hasn't failed me completely yet. Boy have we got a lot to catch up on. I wish I would have remembered your email address sooner... well... sooner as in before 1 year 5 months and 10 days ago. Remember the girl that you met and talked into actually dating me? Danica? Well, we got married on January 10, 2004....(edited - got a house blah blah blah got a job blah blah blah)
Are you still single? Dating? Looking? Ever get back over this way? Well, I know I could go on and on, so I'll cut it here for now.We're glad we haven't completely lost touch.
Jason and Danica"
Looks like the answer to the question was sort of a)writing to brag about his wonderful life including wife (but no kids, however it sounds like there's potential to name their first girl after me) and sort of c) the friend thing. Ah hah. It's all coming back to me now. I remember convincing this girl Danica to date Jason in order to get his attention redirected to another girl and off of me! And would you look at that? I'm a full-fledged match-maker now! How funny is that?
Attention all single men looking to get married (As if that exists, but just in case): Apparently I am THE GIRL to date just before you find the love of your life. Jason now makes the 3rd guy to date me (or at least go on one date with me) right before he found the girl he asked to marry. Some people's curse is another's charm. The point is, I'll take one for the team and be the sacrificial date so you'll soon find the love of your life after we stop dating. But, I'm only going to extend this offer to those that are good-looking and smart**. Call me.
**This ensures I won't be the "practice wife" anymore because c'mon, first of all, how many guys actually want to get married, and then how many of those are good-looking and smart? (Am I cynical lately or what?)
Monday, June 20, 2005
Blasts from the Past
It never ceases to amaze me how my past comes back to haunt me over and over and over. First it was that David guy that called me out of the blue after getting my number 4 months prior and acting like we were old friends. And now this. Guys that I was sure I'd never see again all of the sudden come out of the woodworks randomly and track me down. Just today, two things happened:
1) I ended up behind my ex on the highway while on my way to work. I work at the same exit he lives at and as fate would have it, after not seeing him for over a year, today was the day for our paths to cross. I can't tell you how weird it is to see him and know that we're complete strangers. Made for a very interesting morning. I'm sure no one noticed my extreme lack of focus in the meeting as I doodled aimlessly on the meeting agenda. It's not like we actually ever get anything accomplished in meetings anyway. Although I have become quite the doodle artiste. The good news is, I didn't really feel any sadness. Just weird.
2) I get home and get this email from a guy I used to know in college - 6 years ago - and haven't spoken to since...
"I hope my memory is true to me, as I send this message.
Hi Kara, Remember me? I hope that you still have this email account. How have things been going for you the past 6 years. I want to apologize for loosing touch. I have had so much happen in the last 6 years, that time has just flown by quicker than I hoped it would. Guess that's just another sign of getting older. I'm sure there's a lot we could catch up on, time permitting, but I just wanted to see if you still had this aol account. I hope to hear from you soon.
Jason"
I sort of remember Jason, but very vaguely. I'm completely shocked and pretty flattered that he remembers me, along with my email address, and wanted to catch up. It's not like we were best friends or even hung out all that much. I think we went on one date, but I decided we'd be better off as friends. Any guesses on what he wants or what he'll say to me?
Will he:
a) Brag about how wonderful his life is, complete with wife and kids? (and how he named his first daughter after me - ha)
b) See if I'm still single and try to start something? ( I mean, I have guys pining for me all the time...except not really)
c) Truly just trying to keep in touch as a friend? (yea right)
d) None of the above (you give a reason you think he's contacting me)
e) All of the above (because he's a cheating insurance sales guy coming to the Atlanta area and is looking for someone to hook up with)
We can put wagers on this in the Comments Lounge. I did respond to his email, so I'll have to update you on what I get back.
1) I ended up behind my ex on the highway while on my way to work. I work at the same exit he lives at and as fate would have it, after not seeing him for over a year, today was the day for our paths to cross. I can't tell you how weird it is to see him and know that we're complete strangers. Made for a very interesting morning. I'm sure no one noticed my extreme lack of focus in the meeting as I doodled aimlessly on the meeting agenda. It's not like we actually ever get anything accomplished in meetings anyway. Although I have become quite the doodle artiste. The good news is, I didn't really feel any sadness. Just weird.
2) I get home and get this email from a guy I used to know in college - 6 years ago - and haven't spoken to since...
"I hope my memory is true to me, as I send this message.
Hi Kara, Remember me? I hope that you still have this email account. How have things been going for you the past 6 years. I want to apologize for loosing touch. I have had so much happen in the last 6 years, that time has just flown by quicker than I hoped it would. Guess that's just another sign of getting older. I'm sure there's a lot we could catch up on, time permitting, but I just wanted to see if you still had this aol account. I hope to hear from you soon.
Jason"
I sort of remember Jason, but very vaguely. I'm completely shocked and pretty flattered that he remembers me, along with my email address, and wanted to catch up. It's not like we were best friends or even hung out all that much. I think we went on one date, but I decided we'd be better off as friends. Any guesses on what he wants or what he'll say to me?
Will he:
a) Brag about how wonderful his life is, complete with wife and kids? (and how he named his first daughter after me - ha)
b) See if I'm still single and try to start something? ( I mean, I have guys pining for me all the time...except not really)
c) Truly just trying to keep in touch as a friend? (yea right)
d) None of the above (you give a reason you think he's contacting me)
e) All of the above (because he's a cheating insurance sales guy coming to the Atlanta area and is looking for someone to hook up with)
We can put wagers on this in the Comments Lounge. I did respond to his email, so I'll have to update you on what I get back.
Bouncing Pony Tail
I have recently started working out again after about a year, year and half off. A lot of my decision to get back in the gym is due to the fact that I’ve got my 10-year high school reunion coming up in October, but it’s also partially due to me finally getting over the horrid layer of hell I experienced that others refer to as the year of 2004. Somewhere along the way, I lost my motivation. But, like the phoenix from the ashes, I’m back to focusing on my well-being as opposed to self-pity. For the most part my spirit's healed, I’m happy, so now it’s time once again to be healthy. I know my body well enough to know I’ve never been and I’ll never be a body-building hard body, and that’s ok. I’m certainly no gym-rat (although I do kind of like the way my pony tail bounces back and forth to the beat of the music while on the elliptical trainer). But I’ll be content with working toward just being stronger and healthier, and hope that in 2005, my girl next door appearance will work to my advantage. 2004 taught me that I don’t know how to be anyone other than myself. Perhaps one day someone will appreciate just who that is.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
You Are My Sunshine
There’s a cassette tape at my parent’s house with a recording of me and my dad singing together when I was about 5 years old. One of the songs we sang was “You Are My Sunshine,” and 23 years later, that song is still so appropriate. God truly blessed me with the best father a girl could ask for. We’re not the kind of father/daughter that are best friends, or even tell each other everything, but there’s no mistaking the unspoken, strong bond that we share. We’re both a bit reserved when it comes to opening up, but we share so many of the same personality traits that we can respect that about each other. I definitely got my stubborn streak from him, my independence, my humor, my reservation, and my fortitude. I look to my dad for security and wisdom, and I’ve never once been let down. He’s made countless sacrifices for me and our family that I know of, and probably a million others that I’ll never even know. But I appreciate it. I appreciate him and his love, his patience, and his guidance.
So,
From teaching me to ride my bike, to teaching me to drive the car
From pulling out my loose tooth to paying for my braces
From coaching me in softball to coaching me in life
From pride in my learning the ABCs, to pride in my college graduation
From driving me to my first job, to celebrating a promotion
From grounding me when home late from a date, to helping collect the pieces after a broken heart,
daddy, you’re still
my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away.
Happy Father’s Day with an incredible amount of love.
So,
From teaching me to ride my bike, to teaching me to drive the car
From pulling out my loose tooth to paying for my braces
From coaching me in softball to coaching me in life
From pride in my learning the ABCs, to pride in my college graduation
From driving me to my first job, to celebrating a promotion
From grounding me when home late from a date, to helping collect the pieces after a broken heart,
daddy, you’re still
my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You’ll never know, dear
How much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away.
Happy Father’s Day with an incredible amount of love.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Suddenly, It’s a Party at my Place
That’s what I was informed of this morning in an email from a friend of mine. Another of our friends is flying into town for the weekend to see us, and the plan’s been that we were doing a low-key dinner somewhere downtown tonight, and then we’d have a party on Saturday night at her place for him. Well, apparently, we’re having 2 parties this weekend, and one is now at my house. According to her email, a lot of our other friends wanted to hang out with him tonight too, so she invited everyone to meet up at my house after work. There’s nothing like short notice! I don’t mind, it’s just a good thing I did a thorough house-cleaning this past week, and washed every article of clothing, every set of sheets, and every towel that I own. Guess I’m sufficiently prepared for any friends that feel the need to crash at my place after celebrating. However, I do have a few rules I’d like my friends to follow:
MB – Your clothes must, I repeat must, stay on at all times. If you get hot at my house, let me know and I’ll gladly turn down the AC, anything to keep you from disrobing in some form or fashion because you get hot and think it’s funny. Please save yourself the humiliation and keep ‘em on. C’mon, man, I have a dog. He shouldn’t be exposed to that kind of stuff. None of us should. You’re almost 30.
DP – No mixing crazy drinks with all kinds of liquors and mixers in an attempt to be the “creative bartender.” It’s really no fun for anyone that’s the guinea pig for one of your drinks because 20 minutes after consumption, they’re down for the count and feeling like hell the next day. You’d think we’d all learn our lesson, but we haven’t yet, so I’m making a plea for you to resist your bartendering skills instead.
CR - Keep your hands to yourself. One of these days you’re going to get punched and all I’m going to do is laugh.
RH - Pancakes, please! DP and I want pancakes.
For the rest of you - Don't let my dog or cat out, no one's in my bed but me at any point in the night, and other than that, have a good time!
Let the weekend begin...
MB – Your clothes must, I repeat must, stay on at all times. If you get hot at my house, let me know and I’ll gladly turn down the AC, anything to keep you from disrobing in some form or fashion because you get hot and think it’s funny. Please save yourself the humiliation and keep ‘em on. C’mon, man, I have a dog. He shouldn’t be exposed to that kind of stuff. None of us should. You’re almost 30.
DP – No mixing crazy drinks with all kinds of liquors and mixers in an attempt to be the “creative bartender.” It’s really no fun for anyone that’s the guinea pig for one of your drinks because 20 minutes after consumption, they’re down for the count and feeling like hell the next day. You’d think we’d all learn our lesson, but we haven’t yet, so I’m making a plea for you to resist your bartendering skills instead.
CR - Keep your hands to yourself. One of these days you’re going to get punched and all I’m going to do is laugh.
RH - Pancakes, please! DP and I want pancakes.
For the rest of you - Don't let my dog or cat out, no one's in my bed but me at any point in the night, and other than that, have a good time!
Let the weekend begin...
Guess I'll be looking for some white knee-high boots.
You are a Go-Go Girl! Yay you!
What kind of Sixties Person are you?
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Wednesday, June 15, 2005
So Be Full
Last Friday during my lunch, one of my friends and I went for pedicures – taking full advantage of the boss leaving early for the day. While at the “drying area” that we were shuffled over to in order to allow for the polish to finish drying so they can get another customer back, we sat across from one of the tiniest women I’ve ever seen. She was about my age, 5’4” and maybe weighed 100 lbs (if she were soaking wet with 10 lb weights tied around her ankles and a boat anchor tied around her neck). She looked like she was going to break in half with a hug. Her friend was waiting for her to finish at the drying station. So while we’re there, the bag o’ bones covered in skin asked her friend to get her drink she’d left at the nail station. Dutifully, her friend brings her a SoBe Lean juice drink of some sort. The very first thought that my brain fired off was, “SoBe LEAN? This is definitely a girl that can afford the calories in a SoBe regular. In fact, she needs a SoBe Fat!” My friend and I exchanged glances, it was apparent her brain had a similar thought. A few minutes later, the skeleton girl’s friend (who by the way was pregnant – and in a nail salon? Didn’t she know that the fumes are bad for pregnant women and cause problems in sexual organ development? I guess I was full of judgments that day) gets out a granola bar and begins eating, joking around that she’s always hungry. Skeleton girl proudly announces, “well, at least those don’t contain a lot of calories.” Um, hello? Your friend’s pregnant. Who are you to tell her how many calories she could/should consume!? And furthermore, why in the world do YOU know the calorie count of every food known to man? I personally don’t think you’re getting enough to eat, but that’s just me. I could just envision my grandmother say, “get that poor starving girl some food!” Moments later, we decided our toenails were sufficiently dry, put on our shoes, and headed back to the car. But before I left, I considered giving her $0.30 with the promise of sending $0.30 every day as her sponsor, but only if she agreed to write me.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Dream Analysis
So I brushed off the dust from a dream book that I have and looked up some prominent symbols in the scary dream I’ve been having (hey, I was a psychology major). I’ll share them along with my assessment.
First, my scary dream: I’m in the shower at my house and I hear my front door open and then close. I poke my head out from behind the shower curtain and see a strange man bolt into my living room which I can see from my shower. I have an overwhelming sense of fear that rushes over me. The strange man confronts me while I’m getting out of my shower and a conflict ensues. Then I wake up.
According to my dream book, the following explanations are attached to the elements in my dream:
Home – If the building in a dream is a home, it is usually the symbol of security and stability.
Shower – Shower wasn’t in the book, but I found 2 options that are close to what a shower may represent. 1) A dream of rough, turbulent water suggests that you are processing change, dealing with associated uncertainties. 2) Fast-flowing waterfalls usually represent cleansing and renewal, the total release of a dysfunctional part of your life.
Open Door – Open doorways typically invite the conscious mind to explore opportunities being offered in life.
Closed Door – A dream of a closed door is often an expression of concern about whether opportunities will present themselves.
Fear – Fear of any kind in a dream is widely understood as a subconscious response to the unknown or unfamiliar in daily life or to your uncertainty about the future.
Unknown Person/Conflict – When you dream you are in conflict with an unknown person, you might be subconsciously attempting to convince yourself that you will not like someone who has just come into your life.
From this, here is my assessment – The security and stability in my life is threatened as I deal with uncertainties and renewal while exploring opportunities being offered in life. However, I apparently have some concern about whether the opportunities will present themselves along with uncertainty about the future. I guess I’m also trying to convince myself that I will not like someone new in my life.
Or it could just mean that I ate something spicy for dinner.
First, my scary dream: I’m in the shower at my house and I hear my front door open and then close. I poke my head out from behind the shower curtain and see a strange man bolt into my living room which I can see from my shower. I have an overwhelming sense of fear that rushes over me. The strange man confronts me while I’m getting out of my shower and a conflict ensues. Then I wake up.
According to my dream book, the following explanations are attached to the elements in my dream:
Home – If the building in a dream is a home, it is usually the symbol of security and stability.
Shower – Shower wasn’t in the book, but I found 2 options that are close to what a shower may represent. 1) A dream of rough, turbulent water suggests that you are processing change, dealing with associated uncertainties. 2) Fast-flowing waterfalls usually represent cleansing and renewal, the total release of a dysfunctional part of your life.
Open Door – Open doorways typically invite the conscious mind to explore opportunities being offered in life.
Closed Door – A dream of a closed door is often an expression of concern about whether opportunities will present themselves.
Fear – Fear of any kind in a dream is widely understood as a subconscious response to the unknown or unfamiliar in daily life or to your uncertainty about the future.
Unknown Person/Conflict – When you dream you are in conflict with an unknown person, you might be subconsciously attempting to convince yourself that you will not like someone who has just come into your life.
From this, here is my assessment – The security and stability in my life is threatened as I deal with uncertainties and renewal while exploring opportunities being offered in life. However, I apparently have some concern about whether the opportunities will present themselves along with uncertainty about the future. I guess I’m also trying to convince myself that I will not like someone new in my life.
Or it could just mean that I ate something spicy for dinner.
Elevator Etiquette Question
When you're in an elevator full of people, and everyone on the elevator gets off except for you and the person that was standing directly next to you when it was full, is the expectation that the person that was standing directly next you move to the other, now empty side of the elevator? That's my expectation. So do it. Don't worry, I won't be offended that you don't want to stand in my space anymore, in fact, I'll be glad to be rid of you. I mean, we still have 7 more floors to ride down and I'm tired of breathing in your air. I hear the grass is greener on the other side over there...please go frolic.
Dear Debbie, Bad Guy, and Darby
Dear Debbie Siebers,
While I must admit you have put together one heckuva thigh workout on DVD filled with squats and plies (plee-a's), I really feel that your legal department had a big miss when writing the DVD's disclaimer. Might I suggest adding the following disclaimer for all to read before we begin the workout?
Warning:
Do not begin this workout if you wish to perform the following normal activities: walking, sitting from a standing position, standing from a sitting position, ascending stairs, descending stairs, getting into the bed, getting out of the bed, or even have thoughts of using your legs. You may expect to be in immense pain or potentially even bed-ridden (assuming you can get in the bed) for a minimum of two days, and you may never get full use of your legs ever again. You will also need to invest in a Sam's Club box of pain-killers because you will be eating them as if they were candy. As always please consult a physician before beginning this or any other exercise program. Have a phone handy and be prepared to call 911 shortly after finishing this DVD.
I definitely would have reconsidered had I read a disclaimer like that prior to beginning.
Alotta pain in Atlanta,
Kara
Dear strange bad guy in my nightmare for the past 2 nights,
If you even think about breaking into my house while I'm in the shower and hurting me, I will beat you with my shampoo bottle, tie you up with my body wash poof, and slowly pull out every hair in your eyebrows with my tweezers.
I wouldn't test me mister,
Kara
PS - This goes for any further appearance you may have while I'm asleep as well. I dare you to come back tonight...
Dear Darby (my dog),
While I realize you are of the male species, and by that you have an innate attraction for lingerie, please allow me outline the following expectations that I have for you. When I've placed clean laundry on top of my dresser, I expect you to leave it alone while I'm at work. I do not expect you to grab a strap that may be hanging from the top of the dresser, pull it down, and joyfully chew a hole into it. If you were contributing towards purchasing new lingerie, it wouldn't be as big of a deal, but you're not even paying rent, so LEAVE IT A-LONE.
Love,
Kara
While I must admit you have put together one heckuva thigh workout on DVD filled with squats and plies (plee-a's), I really feel that your legal department had a big miss when writing the DVD's disclaimer. Might I suggest adding the following disclaimer for all to read before we begin the workout?
Warning:
Do not begin this workout if you wish to perform the following normal activities: walking, sitting from a standing position, standing from a sitting position, ascending stairs, descending stairs, getting into the bed, getting out of the bed, or even have thoughts of using your legs. You may expect to be in immense pain or potentially even bed-ridden (assuming you can get in the bed) for a minimum of two days, and you may never get full use of your legs ever again. You will also need to invest in a Sam's Club box of pain-killers because you will be eating them as if they were candy. As always please consult a physician before beginning this or any other exercise program. Have a phone handy and be prepared to call 911 shortly after finishing this DVD.
I definitely would have reconsidered had I read a disclaimer like that prior to beginning.
Alotta pain in Atlanta,
Kara
Dear strange bad guy in my nightmare for the past 2 nights,
If you even think about breaking into my house while I'm in the shower and hurting me, I will beat you with my shampoo bottle, tie you up with my body wash poof, and slowly pull out every hair in your eyebrows with my tweezers.
I wouldn't test me mister,
Kara
PS - This goes for any further appearance you may have while I'm asleep as well. I dare you to come back tonight...
Dear Darby (my dog),
While I realize you are of the male species, and by that you have an innate attraction for lingerie, please allow me outline the following expectations that I have for you. When I've placed clean laundry on top of my dresser, I expect you to leave it alone while I'm at work. I do not expect you to grab a strap that may be hanging from the top of the dresser, pull it down, and joyfully chew a hole into it. If you were contributing towards purchasing new lingerie, it wouldn't be as big of a deal, but you're not even paying rent, so LEAVE IT A-LONE.
Love,
Kara
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Friday's Report Card
SUBJECT / GRADE (+ or -)
Raining -
Missed a meeting -
Boss didn't notice +
Boss left early +
2 Hour Lunch + + (includes lunch with friend and pedicure)
Finished presentation +
Left office early +
Happy Hour +
Still raining -
No place to park -
Wine sent over with a note +
But wasn't for me -
Was for my friend +
But he was cheesy -
Left for the Braves game +
Still raining -
Left Braves game -
Got lost in BAD part of ATL -
on almost empty tank of gas -
had to stop in ghetto for gas and directions - -
Obviously not wearing enough bling -
Stop by bar on way home +
Good drinks and good people +
Stop by Blockbuster before home +
Get Git-R-Done by Larry the Cable Guy +
Watch DVD(freakin' hilarious) +
Go to bed early for Friday (1am) +
Probably because I'm getting old -
Get call from good friend +
Absolutely enjoy conversation ++
Great way to end the day +
Overall grade for the day: +
Raining -
Missed a meeting -
Boss didn't notice +
Boss left early +
2 Hour Lunch + + (includes lunch with friend and pedicure)
Finished presentation +
Left office early +
Happy Hour +
Still raining -
No place to park -
Wine sent over with a note +
But wasn't for me -
Was for my friend +
But he was cheesy -
Left for the Braves game +
Still raining -
Left Braves game -
Got lost in BAD part of ATL -
on almost empty tank of gas -
had to stop in ghetto for gas and directions - -
Obviously not wearing enough bling -
Stop by bar on way home +
Good drinks and good people +
Stop by Blockbuster before home +
Get Git-R-Done by Larry the Cable Guy +
Watch DVD(freakin' hilarious) +
Go to bed early for Friday (1am) +
Probably because I'm getting old -
Get call from good friend +
Absolutely enjoy conversation ++
Great way to end the day +
Overall grade for the day: +
Missing Alabama Girl
This story makes me so sad. Maybe it's because it hits so close to home with her being from Mountain Brook, AL, a nice suburb of Birmingham, AL, of which I'm quite familiar. Maybe it's because she is a young, beautiful honor student ready to embark on the next phase of her life, and I can vividly remember that time in my own life, not so very far away. Maybe it's because it could have been my sister, or my friend, or possibly even me. Sometimes even smart girls, trusting girls, make bad decisions. Maybe it's the outpouring of complete concern and care from the people, government, and tourists of Aruba that have joined the search. I'm not quite sure, but this story just really hits home with me. I saw an interview with her mother, and I couldn't hold back the tears collecting in my eyes. Her mother has so much faith that she'll find her daughter alive that she won't let the thought of anything else invade her thoughts. Typically an optimist, and not wanting to be a pessimist, I think I, along with the rest of the world, might not be as optimistic about this as her mother and it just breaks my heart. It seems as if they're getting closer to an explanation of what may have happened, and I pray that whatever the resolution, it comes quickly. It's hard to watch the family suffer without any answers. I keep them in my thoughts and prayers.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Hint: The Thief Goes First
The rules are:
Click on link then click on blue circle. Use the rules below.
Everybody has to cross the river
The following rules apply:
Only 2 persons on the raft at a time
The father can not stay with any of the daughters without their mother's presence
The mother can not stay with any of the sons without their father's presence
The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member if the Policeman is not there
Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft
To start click on the big blue circle on the right.
To move the people click on them. To move the raft click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.
http://freeweb.siol.net/danej/riverIQGame.swf
Ta ta...I'm off to happy hour and on to the Braves game...let me know how you do.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
yea, I got nothin'
Blank. Nothing fun to post about. I guess I'm just in need of a little inspiration. So instead, you'll get a question to answer.
If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do?
If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do?
hit me baby one more time
Ok, so the show on NBC came on tonight, Hit Me Baby One More Time, and here's a little Kara commentary:
Vanilla Ice: I heart you. Thanks for busting out the breakdance old school style. You brought me back to memories in the back of the school bus when I was a cool 8th grader. I do have to draw the line at the one pant leg pulled up though...you might as well have just put the parachute pants back on if you were going to do that.
The Knack: From the looks of him, apparently he's the long lost member of the Beatles. Ringo, I found him!
Haddway: You look like the type to wish you could have worn the super short black dress to moon the audience, too! I bet you have one at home, don't you?
The Motels: More like just Room 317 instead of a full motel. Guess her band didn't want to play. And yea, about that Norah Jones song...it sucked. No wonder your band was a no show.
Tommy Tutone: Looks to me like 'Jenny' must have ridden you hard and put you up wet.
"Everybody have fun tonight"....Wang Chung and Irene Cara are up next week....can't wait!
Vanilla Ice: I heart you. Thanks for busting out the breakdance old school style. You brought me back to memories in the back of the school bus when I was a cool 8th grader. I do have to draw the line at the one pant leg pulled up though...you might as well have just put the parachute pants back on if you were going to do that.
The Knack: From the looks of him, apparently he's the long lost member of the Beatles. Ringo, I found him!
Haddway: You look like the type to wish you could have worn the super short black dress to moon the audience, too! I bet you have one at home, don't you?
The Motels: More like just Room 317 instead of a full motel. Guess her band didn't want to play. And yea, about that Norah Jones song...it sucked. No wonder your band was a no show.
Tommy Tutone: Looks to me like 'Jenny' must have ridden you hard and put you up wet.
"Everybody have fun tonight"....Wang Chung and Irene Cara are up next week....can't wait!
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Heaven 911
Rrrrrring!
Gabriel: Hello this is Heaven, how may I help you?
Me: Uh, yes, hello. This is Kara. Is Noah around?
Gabriel: Umm, yea, I think so. He's feeding the animals, but hang on and I'll get him.
Me: Thanks..
Hold music - "Joy-ful Joy-ful We A-dore Thee..."
Noah: This is Noah speaking.
Me: Well hey there, Noah! Listen, I know you're busy with the burning bushes and feeding the animals, but since courthouses in the South don't allow the Ten Commandments in the buildings any longer, I figure you might have some time on your hands not having to chisel the commandments on stone tablets. I thought that maybe, just maybe, you could bust out the Ark for me?
Noah: The Ark? Why, I haven't sailed that thing in years...What do you need the Ark for, Kara?
Me: Because apparently Atlanta's become the Southeastern version of Seattle and it's been raining now every day for just about 2 weeks with no break in the forecast. I'm tired of the rain, Noah, and I need a ride out. I'm afraid we'll slide right over into South Carolina in a mudslide, and you and I both know how scary that would be. Save me from South Carolina, Noah!
Noah: Ok, Kara. Let me check on the Ark's 75 Johnson and make sure the eletric choke I recently fiddled around with is gonna work.
Kara: Great! Thanks, Noah! I'll be the one waiting with the olive branch. You can't miss me.
Gabriel: Hello this is Heaven, how may I help you?
Me: Uh, yes, hello. This is Kara. Is Noah around?
Gabriel: Umm, yea, I think so. He's feeding the animals, but hang on and I'll get him.
Me: Thanks..
Hold music - "Joy-ful Joy-ful We A-dore Thee..."
Noah: This is Noah speaking.
Me: Well hey there, Noah! Listen, I know you're busy with the burning bushes and feeding the animals, but since courthouses in the South don't allow the Ten Commandments in the buildings any longer, I figure you might have some time on your hands not having to chisel the commandments on stone tablets. I thought that maybe, just maybe, you could bust out the Ark for me?
Noah: The Ark? Why, I haven't sailed that thing in years...What do you need the Ark for, Kara?
Me: Because apparently Atlanta's become the Southeastern version of Seattle and it's been raining now every day for just about 2 weeks with no break in the forecast. I'm tired of the rain, Noah, and I need a ride out. I'm afraid we'll slide right over into South Carolina in a mudslide, and you and I both know how scary that would be. Save me from South Carolina, Noah!
Noah: Ok, Kara. Let me check on the Ark's 75 Johnson and make sure the eletric choke I recently fiddled around with is gonna work.
Kara: Great! Thanks, Noah! I'll be the one waiting with the olive branch. You can't miss me.
I'm Being Pimped
I came home for lunch because I was running late this morning and didn't think I gave my dog enough time "outside" before I left and was worried he'd have an accident. So, I figured, while I'm home, I'll jump online for a minute. That's when I found out that I'm being pimped out and I didn't have any idea. Apparently, I'm making Jerk all kinds of money, and he's keeping it a secret from me. In fact, I'm his #1 commodity! I left him a comment that we'll need to start discussing $$ or I'm out...and don't be surprised if you find some sort of horse head in the bed - HA! ha ha ha haaaa (that's an evil laugh - if only I were Italian). He's got more blogshares from me then I have in my own savings account! C'mon Jerk, at least put me up in a penthouse somewhere and give me a clothes budget and some really cool hotel manager that will make the mean ladies at the boutiques be sweet to me (hey, Sabs, I'll leave you some money at the front desk). And by they way, I'm not doing drugs in the bathroom, I'm flossing my teeth thank you very much! (anyone want to name that movie?)
Monday, June 06, 2005
Get Your Gifts
As I lay this past weekend to rest in my memory, here are gifts I want to bestow on a few things this weekend:
To the Subway sandwich artist in Aiken, SC: To you, I give the gift of speed. I realize you’re a certified sandwich artist, but good grief, even Bob Ross could get his “happy little trees” painted into a masterpiece in under a half an hour. I just ordered a 6” sandwich, not the Mona Lisa!
To the 40ish looking single guy that happened to hook up with my friend: To you, I give the gift of Oil of Olay. You’re 28? Rrrriightttt. Let’s face it dude, being one of only two single guys at the wedding, the odds were in your favor and you just got lucky. Might I suggest you using the Oil of Olay when you try to pass for 28 the next time because chances are, the competition may be a little stiffer (literally), and that lie’s just not gonna work.
To Drunken Jacks: To you, I give the gift of a good-time crowd. From the looks of things when we arrived, you looked more like a Jack-in-the-Box after the contaminated beef outbreak. It seems we showed up just in time to push your last call from 10pm to 2am.
To the rental 4-door Taurus (aka Taurcedes): To you, I give the gift of honorary 4-wheel biker. While others may have snickered at a 4-door family sedan, you hung in the parking lot like a champ next to those Harleys. You also served us well as a taxi for 8. I mean really, what Harley would be able to do that?
To my eventual future wedding guests: To all of you, I give the gift of keeping whatever hair and fingers you have. While handing out sparklers to all of the wedding guests to light while the newlyweds leave the reception sounds wonderful in theory, one must remember that handing out fireworks to a bunch of guests that have visited the open bar on more then several occasions may not be the best of ideas.
To my body: To you, I give the gift of detoxification. At least until this weekend anyway. Thanks for hanging in there with me. Let’s face it - we’re just not 21 anymore! However, at least you kept it all down, which is a blessing considering the shape that some of my other friends were in (tee hee)!
To Robyn and Dennis: To you, I’ll be giving a wedding gift. Just gotta go buy it first. I hope it’s not just the expensive stuff that’s left on the registry (ha)! Seriously though, thanks for a fabulous time! May the two of you have a lifetime of love (and dogs)!!
To the Subway sandwich artist in Aiken, SC: To you, I give the gift of speed. I realize you’re a certified sandwich artist, but good grief, even Bob Ross could get his “happy little trees” painted into a masterpiece in under a half an hour. I just ordered a 6” sandwich, not the Mona Lisa!
To the 40ish looking single guy that happened to hook up with my friend: To you, I give the gift of Oil of Olay. You’re 28? Rrrriightttt. Let’s face it dude, being one of only two single guys at the wedding, the odds were in your favor and you just got lucky. Might I suggest you using the Oil of Olay when you try to pass for 28 the next time because chances are, the competition may be a little stiffer (literally), and that lie’s just not gonna work.
To Drunken Jacks: To you, I give the gift of a good-time crowd. From the looks of things when we arrived, you looked more like a Jack-in-the-Box after the contaminated beef outbreak. It seems we showed up just in time to push your last call from 10pm to 2am.
To the rental 4-door Taurus (aka Taurcedes): To you, I give the gift of honorary 4-wheel biker. While others may have snickered at a 4-door family sedan, you hung in the parking lot like a champ next to those Harleys. You also served us well as a taxi for 8. I mean really, what Harley would be able to do that?
To my eventual future wedding guests: To all of you, I give the gift of keeping whatever hair and fingers you have. While handing out sparklers to all of the wedding guests to light while the newlyweds leave the reception sounds wonderful in theory, one must remember that handing out fireworks to a bunch of guests that have visited the open bar on more then several occasions may not be the best of ideas.
To my body: To you, I give the gift of detoxification. At least until this weekend anyway. Thanks for hanging in there with me. Let’s face it - we’re just not 21 anymore! However, at least you kept it all down, which is a blessing considering the shape that some of my other friends were in (tee hee)!
To Robyn and Dennis: To you, I’ll be giving a wedding gift. Just gotta go buy it first. I hope it’s not just the expensive stuff that’s left on the registry (ha)! Seriously though, thanks for a fabulous time! May the two of you have a lifetime of love (and dogs)!!
Four of These Things are Not Like the Others
While in Myrtle Beach, SC this weekend, me a some friends see this bar, a biker bar no less, called Suck Bang Blow. Well, with a name like that, you know the curiosity will get the better of 4 single girls on a trip to the beach, and we all decide we just have to have a tshirt! So, what’s the first thing we do Saturday venturing out into the very rainy day? Well, we stop by, of course! I’ll set the scene for you so you can enjoy the situation just as much as we did:
The bar, a hole in the wall kind of establishment as one would imagine, was situated perfectly between The Beaver Bar on the left, and the Pink Pony on the right – so in order it went The Beaver Bar, Suck Bang Blow, Pink Pony. I just wonder what Freud would have had to say about that? We pull into the parking lot full of macho, chromed-out Harleys in my friend’s rental gold 4-door Taurus (dubbed the Taurcedes for the weekend because it was such a pimp mobile). There are several sketchy-looking leather-clad men with bandanas sitting out under the overhang of the exterior of the bar, staring at us, most likely for any number of reasons – 1) we were in a car at a biker bar and took up 2 biker spaces in order to park 2) It was pouring down rain, so once parked we all just sat in the car laughing hysterically and waiting for the rain to die down before jumping out (and maybe we were trying to work up the nerve to actually go in, too) and 3) We had Gwen Stefani’s B.A.N.A.N.A.S song blarring on the radio – I’m sure a real hit with this rough and ready crowd, although I didn’t really see any of them bust a move. We give up waiting for the rain, take a deep breath, and make a run for the door. Here we go be-boppin' in the place, 2 friends dressed in J.Crew and Ann Taylor shorts and tanktops, one friend in a cute skirt and tshirt with a cartoon girl on it, and me in my black capris and shirt with a cute little bow on the left shoulder. We looked like the Junior League coming to sell raffle tickets for a bake sale or something. Inside there were more bikers, bikes, beer signs, broken chairs, pool & pingpong tables, and a confederate flag with the words "I ain't coming down" printed on it. We sheepishly made our way to the store, searched for shirts and each made a purchase. After deciding against the ones that said "Biker's Week Thaaaat's Right" and "Suck Blow Bang," I did decide on this one - which I'll probably only ever wear for really important events like Easter Sunday at church, first dates with guys that I really want to impress, or when going to meet a guy's family for the first time.
(Back logo - sorry the image sucks, but have you ever tried to scan in a tshirt? It says Suck Bang Blow Bikers Blow-out Bar Murrell's Inlet, SC)
On the way out, we had to pass through a group of bikers blocking our way through the doors. Apparently they liked our squeaky clean June Cleaver look because they kept asking why we were leaving so soon and would we be coming back. As much as I would have loved to have gone back to buy the denim Suck Bang Blow overalls (available for purchase from their website if you're interested) and enjoy a tall glass of moonshine, um, that'd be a big fat negative. "Thaaaat's right."
The bar, a hole in the wall kind of establishment as one would imagine, was situated perfectly between The Beaver Bar on the left, and the Pink Pony on the right – so in order it went The Beaver Bar, Suck Bang Blow, Pink Pony. I just wonder what Freud would have had to say about that? We pull into the parking lot full of macho, chromed-out Harleys in my friend’s rental gold 4-door Taurus (dubbed the Taurcedes for the weekend because it was such a pimp mobile). There are several sketchy-looking leather-clad men with bandanas sitting out under the overhang of the exterior of the bar, staring at us, most likely for any number of reasons – 1) we were in a car at a biker bar and took up 2 biker spaces in order to park 2) It was pouring down rain, so once parked we all just sat in the car laughing hysterically and waiting for the rain to die down before jumping out (and maybe we were trying to work up the nerve to actually go in, too) and 3) We had Gwen Stefani’s B.A.N.A.N.A.S song blarring on the radio – I’m sure a real hit with this rough and ready crowd, although I didn’t really see any of them bust a move. We give up waiting for the rain, take a deep breath, and make a run for the door. Here we go be-boppin' in the place, 2 friends dressed in J.Crew and Ann Taylor shorts and tanktops, one friend in a cute skirt and tshirt with a cartoon girl on it, and me in my black capris and shirt with a cute little bow on the left shoulder. We looked like the Junior League coming to sell raffle tickets for a bake sale or something. Inside there were more bikers, bikes, beer signs, broken chairs, pool & pingpong tables, and a confederate flag with the words "I ain't coming down" printed on it. We sheepishly made our way to the store, searched for shirts and each made a purchase. After deciding against the ones that said "Biker's Week Thaaaat's Right" and "Suck Blow Bang," I did decide on this one - which I'll probably only ever wear for really important events like Easter Sunday at church, first dates with guys that I really want to impress, or when going to meet a guy's family for the first time.
(Back logo - sorry the image sucks, but have you ever tried to scan in a tshirt? It says Suck Bang Blow Bikers Blow-out Bar Murrell's Inlet, SC)
On the way out, we had to pass through a group of bikers blocking our way through the doors. Apparently they liked our squeaky clean June Cleaver look because they kept asking why we were leaving so soon and would we be coming back. As much as I would have loved to have gone back to buy the denim Suck Bang Blow overalls (available for purchase from their website if you're interested) and enjoy a tall glass of moonshine, um, that'd be a big fat negative. "Thaaaat's right."
Friday, June 03, 2005
Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
I've got a wedding at the beach to go to this weekend. With love in the air, I figure that while I'm there, I should search for my Mr. Right. Here's a picture or two of exactly what I'm hoping to find. If you see him before I do, go ahead and give him my number...or hotel room number for that matter. Why waste any time? It's so hard for a girl to find fine specimens of the male gender like these guys these days.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Frownie Face
I know this is off the normal light-hearted posts I usually try to have up, but I had a bad day today. I'm very aggrevated with one of my coworkers (again), I had to buy 2 new tires for my car before my trip to Myrtle Beach this weekend, and the weather down here sucks this week. It was dreary and only 69 degrees today. For the 2nd day of June in Atlanta, that's just insane. And, because the weather's been so crappy, I had to wear my hair curly today (it's naturally curly but I typically straighten it every day). I went to the trouble of drying it straight yesterday, only to come home with a half curly, half straight, chia pet head of frizzy hair.
Oh, Hit Me Baby One More Time is on...better go see how I'm doing in Gordon's game. So far, I think I'm winning the worst aged category with Loverboy!
Oh, Hit Me Baby One More Time is on...better go see how I'm doing in Gordon's game. So far, I think I'm winning the worst aged category with Loverboy!
Book-It
I've been tagged, and these are the questions about books (of all things) that I had to answer.
What is the total number of books I have owned?
Who knows. I don't think I've ever counted. I was an English Literature minor at Alabama, so I have my fair share of books: Shakespeare, Faulker, Hemingway, McCullers, Dickenson, etc. I know it sounds like I'm a book worm, which couldn't be further from the truth. I love to write, which is why I think I minored in English, because it's definitely not because I love to read. In fact, most of my good grades came from reading the first and last 50 pages of the book, reading the cliff's notes, really listening to discussions in class, and being one helluva writer - enough to BS my way through a 20 page paper on a book I never really read. I have a friend that's in a book club now where they read, for fun, a lot of books I had to read in school. I guess I just got burnt out on reading over the years. Anyway, I left most of my books over at my parents house simply because they look much better on their built-in bookshelves rather than stashed in a plastic box slid under my bed! I didn't read the majority of them the first time around for a grade; it's highly doubtful I'll give it another go.
I have a love/hate relationship with books. I love to go into a Barnes and Noble or Borders. I love it! And I love to buy all of the coffee table books or books with bright pink or bright green on the covers because that usually means it's a book I can relate to. But I usually get them home, and very rarely sit down to read them. I'm more of a book collector rather than a book worm.
Last book I bought:
Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer: A Journey Into the Heart of Fan Mania by Warren St. John for my dad for Christmas.
Last book I read:
The last book I read completely was a book called Jemima J by Jane Green. It's a coming of age story about a late 20s-something girl and her struggle through life including career, dating, and love. I'm a sucker for these kind of books (usually with pink or green on the covers). Can't imagine why. Anyone? Anyone?
Book I'm currently, very leisurely reading is the Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer book. My friend happened to buy it for me for my birthday. It's about the author's (a lifelong University of Alabama fan) journey through a tailgating football season with the Crimson Tide and the fans that he meets and the experiences he has. Hey, I have to do something until Fall football rolls around again...
List 5 books that mean something to me:
1. The Bible. Pretty self-explanatory.
2. Ms. Duck's Lovely Day. That was my favorite childhood book. I can practically recite it even today. Don't ask me why I loved this book so much. Bless my poor mother's heart for having to read it to me over, and over, and over...I'm sure she wanted to stab Ms. Duck and sell her to the local Chinese restaurant.
3. The Power of Passion by Rob Eager. The timing to read this book couldn't have been any more divine, literally. It was the only thing I could hold onto as a foundation while I gathered pieces of a broken heart. Thank you, TH, for inviting me to it, and others that may read my blog that were there for the journey. You know who you are.
4. The 500 page book of genealogy that my grandfather on my mom's side wrote and published. Now I'm not saying it's one I keep on the nightstand, or one I just can't put it down, but it's special because it's my history of half of who I am and where I came from. He spent years researching the ancestry and traced his name back to the 1500s in England and lists all descendents in chronological order.
5. I don't know. I'm tired of talking about books. Couldn't be very interesting for you to read, either. I almost fell asleep writing this. Let's move on.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Bayou Bunch
As promised, a breakdown from my trip to see family in Louisiana this past weekend. I thought I’d post my itinerary along with some commentary from my adventure (be forewarned, this is long):
Thursday 9pm: Leave Atlanta with my parents. I have obviously overpacked, but I’m a girl, so what else is new? I really didn’t think I’d need 4 pairs of shoes for a 3 day weekend, but you just really never know. Pick up my sister in Alabama around 11pm. Arrive in Meridian, Mississippi at 2:30a.m. Check-in to the cheesiest Jamison Inn I’ve ever been in. The outside was the bait because it looked new, but the hotel room was the switch. The entire wall behind the beds in my sister and my room was completely covered in mirrors. I was half expecting the beds to vibrate. I felt icky but was far too tired to complain. Just know I wore my flip flops around the hotel room the entire time and the comforter didn’t come anywhere near my body!
Friday 8:30am: Back in the car and in a really good mood. No coffee and facing 4 more hours on the road. Even those car magnets shaped like ribbons that everyone apparently has on their cars these days pissed me off. They make those for everything now! They make me almost as mad as those stupid rubber bracelets that Lance Armstrong started a trend with. Dammit Lance, even my company created orange rubber bracelets that they’ve passed out to all of us (let me know if any of you want one, as I learned last week they’re putting them up for sale on our intranet so we can buy them for our friends and family. Guess what everyone’s getting for Christmas this year…) Shortly after Meridian, we pass the exit signs for Chunky, Mississippi. No matter how I try to imagine the people that might reside in Chunky, I never come back with anything good. Please let me know if any of you do. On the way to Vicksburg, MS, we pass by the self-proclaimed World’s Only Cactus Museum (in Mississippi? Not Arizona or New Mexico, but Mississippi?). I begged and begged my dad to stop but nooooo. My mother, sister, and I did get him to stop in Vicksburg at the outlet mall, er, 7 outlet stores and one Billy’s Italian Restaurant (how authentic does that sound?) that they have. I didn’t think I brought enough shoes and somehow got my dad to buy me 2 new pairs and a new skirt. Then we stopped at the Ameristar Riverboat Casino on the mighty Mississippi River where I promptly left behind $40 in about 45 minutes. So much for hitting the jackpot and quitting my job. We arrived at the Townsmen Inn in Jena, Louisiana (the lavish resort I bragged about in the earlier post, I tried to find a picture for you, but it should be no surprise that it's so exclusive, it doesn't even have a website) at about 6pm. Hey, instead of the big orange plastic key chains attached to the metal keys, they’ve changed it up to red plastic key chains with the room number taped on it these days. Our rooms were in the high rise portion of the motel – you know, the building with 2 levels. Dad didn’t spring for the penthouse though, so we were on the lower level. We freshened up and headed out to my dad’s first cousin’s house where the fish fry was to take place. The fish fry included fried catfish, fried homemade french fries, fried hushpuppies, and a vegetable tray (probably just for looks - c’mon, this obviously wasn’t a weight watchers event). I guess it’s kind of a clogged artery Russian roulette game that they play out there. Whoever has a heartattack first after eating all of that has to host the next one. No one collapsed, so I guess my dad’s cousin has to have it again by default. And they were going to on Memorial Day.
Saturday 9am: Made coffee in the room as I bragged about in the earlier post. The lady gave us our Styrofoam cups, sugar and creamer packets when we checked in. It was raining so we weren’t able to swim in that extravagant 4’ pool I told you about. Met up with my dad’s cousin and his family again. Today we were going to do something special. We were driving an hour to the closest, largest city, Alexandria, to eat at Chili’s for lunch. Yep, we drove an hour to eat at Chilis. Here in Atlanta, Chilis might as well be a fast food restaurant. But to my family, this was a big deal. By the time we got back to Jena, it was just about dinner time. Shortly before we headed over to my great aunt’s house for dinner, we went through downtown Jena. NOTHING was open except for WalMart. How do these store owners make any money if they aren’t open past noon on a Saturday? At my great aunt’s house, other family members were gathered to eat (do you see a theme developing here? The entertainment is food. Everything surrounds when you eat - that’s all there is to do). On the menu: candied yams, ham, baked beans, potato salad, duck stuffing (made from a duck shot by my 2nd cousin at Lake Catahoula), squirrel, and red velvet cake. Yes, squirrel. And no, I didn’t have any. In fact, I didn’t eat at all. After all, it had only been 3 hours since we ate lunch, so beside the fact that squirrel was on the menu, I didn’t have an appetite. We visited with them for the remainder of the night, the high school aged 3rd cousins went to make “loops” through town (where they just ride up and down the streets of downtown for fun), and we went back to the motel around 1am.
Sunday 9am: More bad coffee in the motel room AND very little sleep because the people in the “penthouse” above us were apparently running a marathon around their room starting at 4:30am. Packed up the suitcase, we’re hittin’ the road a day early. Stopped by my great aunt’s and sat on her large wraparound front porch for a few minutes saying good-byes. As planned, we were going to try to make it to the cemeteries to look for our last name on grave markers, but the rain prevented that from happening. So we just headed home. We stopped in Natchez, Mississippi on the way and looked at a few of the restored plantation homes. We rode for several miles on the historic Natchez trace, but with the speed limit at a whopping 50 mph, we weren’t getting to Atlanta any time fast. As beautiful as the drive was, it was time to get going. Because of the rain all the way home, and the stops, it took 12 hours to get back, and I had to drive the last leg because my dad got sleepy. It was good to be back.
Thursday 9pm: Leave Atlanta with my parents. I have obviously overpacked, but I’m a girl, so what else is new? I really didn’t think I’d need 4 pairs of shoes for a 3 day weekend, but you just really never know. Pick up my sister in Alabama around 11pm. Arrive in Meridian, Mississippi at 2:30a.m. Check-in to the cheesiest Jamison Inn I’ve ever been in. The outside was the bait because it looked new, but the hotel room was the switch. The entire wall behind the beds in my sister and my room was completely covered in mirrors. I was half expecting the beds to vibrate. I felt icky but was far too tired to complain. Just know I wore my flip flops around the hotel room the entire time and the comforter didn’t come anywhere near my body!
Friday 8:30am: Back in the car and in a really good mood. No coffee and facing 4 more hours on the road. Even those car magnets shaped like ribbons that everyone apparently has on their cars these days pissed me off. They make those for everything now! They make me almost as mad as those stupid rubber bracelets that Lance Armstrong started a trend with. Dammit Lance, even my company created orange rubber bracelets that they’ve passed out to all of us (let me know if any of you want one, as I learned last week they’re putting them up for sale on our intranet so we can buy them for our friends and family. Guess what everyone’s getting for Christmas this year…) Shortly after Meridian, we pass the exit signs for Chunky, Mississippi. No matter how I try to imagine the people that might reside in Chunky, I never come back with anything good. Please let me know if any of you do. On the way to Vicksburg, MS, we pass by the self-proclaimed World’s Only Cactus Museum (in Mississippi? Not Arizona or New Mexico, but Mississippi?). I begged and begged my dad to stop but nooooo. My mother, sister, and I did get him to stop in Vicksburg at the outlet mall, er, 7 outlet stores and one Billy’s Italian Restaurant (how authentic does that sound?) that they have. I didn’t think I brought enough shoes and somehow got my dad to buy me 2 new pairs and a new skirt. Then we stopped at the Ameristar Riverboat Casino on the mighty Mississippi River where I promptly left behind $40 in about 45 minutes. So much for hitting the jackpot and quitting my job. We arrived at the Townsmen Inn in Jena, Louisiana (the lavish resort I bragged about in the earlier post, I tried to find a picture for you, but it should be no surprise that it's so exclusive, it doesn't even have a website) at about 6pm. Hey, instead of the big orange plastic key chains attached to the metal keys, they’ve changed it up to red plastic key chains with the room number taped on it these days. Our rooms were in the high rise portion of the motel – you know, the building with 2 levels. Dad didn’t spring for the penthouse though, so we were on the lower level. We freshened up and headed out to my dad’s first cousin’s house where the fish fry was to take place. The fish fry included fried catfish, fried homemade french fries, fried hushpuppies, and a vegetable tray (probably just for looks - c’mon, this obviously wasn’t a weight watchers event). I guess it’s kind of a clogged artery Russian roulette game that they play out there. Whoever has a heartattack first after eating all of that has to host the next one. No one collapsed, so I guess my dad’s cousin has to have it again by default. And they were going to on Memorial Day.
Saturday 9am: Made coffee in the room as I bragged about in the earlier post. The lady gave us our Styrofoam cups, sugar and creamer packets when we checked in. It was raining so we weren’t able to swim in that extravagant 4’ pool I told you about. Met up with my dad’s cousin and his family again. Today we were going to do something special. We were driving an hour to the closest, largest city, Alexandria, to eat at Chili’s for lunch. Yep, we drove an hour to eat at Chilis. Here in Atlanta, Chilis might as well be a fast food restaurant. But to my family, this was a big deal. By the time we got back to Jena, it was just about dinner time. Shortly before we headed over to my great aunt’s house for dinner, we went through downtown Jena. NOTHING was open except for WalMart. How do these store owners make any money if they aren’t open past noon on a Saturday? At my great aunt’s house, other family members were gathered to eat (do you see a theme developing here? The entertainment is food. Everything surrounds when you eat - that’s all there is to do). On the menu: candied yams, ham, baked beans, potato salad, duck stuffing (made from a duck shot by my 2nd cousin at Lake Catahoula), squirrel, and red velvet cake. Yes, squirrel. And no, I didn’t have any. In fact, I didn’t eat at all. After all, it had only been 3 hours since we ate lunch, so beside the fact that squirrel was on the menu, I didn’t have an appetite. We visited with them for the remainder of the night, the high school aged 3rd cousins went to make “loops” through town (where they just ride up and down the streets of downtown for fun), and we went back to the motel around 1am.
Sunday 9am: More bad coffee in the motel room AND very little sleep because the people in the “penthouse” above us were apparently running a marathon around their room starting at 4:30am. Packed up the suitcase, we’re hittin’ the road a day early. Stopped by my great aunt’s and sat on her large wraparound front porch for a few minutes saying good-byes. As planned, we were going to try to make it to the cemeteries to look for our last name on grave markers, but the rain prevented that from happening. So we just headed home. We stopped in Natchez, Mississippi on the way and looked at a few of the restored plantation homes. We rode for several miles on the historic Natchez trace, but with the speed limit at a whopping 50 mph, we weren’t getting to Atlanta any time fast. As beautiful as the drive was, it was time to get going. Because of the rain all the way home, and the stops, it took 12 hours to get back, and I had to drive the last leg because my dad got sleepy. It was good to be back.
But Seriously
I really did have a good time this weekend visiting family in Louisiana that I rarely get to see. They are all my 2nd and 3rd cousins, and they're all good people. I was pleasantly surprised to find that they are not rednecks or white trash (I know it's a bit hard to believe considering they had squirrel for dinner, but I'm serious). None of them live in a trailer park, they actually have very nice houses with a lot of acreage. I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to see how they live and what they do for fun (mostly eat). The fish fry, the coffee on the front porch in the morning, family dinner for 35 people on Saturday night - it's just a different way of life. They are all just country people that enjoy a slower-paced life. I found that they trade a deep interest in material and superficial things for a deep interest in their families and friends instead. And really, in the end, aren't friends and family the most important things you'll ever have in life anyway?
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