And Now It's Time for a Mad Libs Football Broadcast

Thanks to all that participated! I'll do each of yours separately with your answers in purple. May the real Super Bowl this Sunday be MUCH more entertaining than this! I'd ask you to vote for your favorite, but really, they'll all pretty bad.










This broadcast brought to you by Tiffany:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Dogs and the Pittsburgh Trees. The center has just snapped the nut back to the Seattle star halfback, Hugh Jackman, who is running around his own left floor. There he's tackled hard around the back. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and 13 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Joaquin Phoenix, who fades back and throws a long, dark pass which is caught by Billy Idol, who is Pittsburgh's heart-shaped quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the mountain for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - purse line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for rolling.

This broadcast brought to you by Jeopardygirl:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Giraffes and the Pittsburgh Friends. The center has just snapped the book back to the Seattle star halfback, Orlando Bloom, who is running around his own left compact disc. There he's tackled hard around the elbow. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and 12 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Demi Moore, who fades back and throws a long, round pass which is caught by Sir Ian McKellen, who is Pittsburgh's windblown quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the marker for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - photograph line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for waiting.

This broadcast brought to you by Yorkshire Pudding:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Wilderbeast and the Pittsburgh Islands. The center has just snapped the corkscrew back to the Seattle star halfback, Chris Martin, who is running around his own left tree. There he's tackled hard around the penis. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and one million to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Oprah Winfrey, who fades back and throws a long, enormous pass which is caught by Popeye the Sailorman, who is Pittsburgh's greedy quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the car for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - ocean line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for seeing.

This broadcast brought to you by Diane Mandy:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Pygmee Goats and the Pittsburgh Pens. The center has just snapped the edict back to the Seattle star halfback, John Stewart, who is running around his own left joker. There he's tackled hard around the spine. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and 7 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Matt Damon, who fades back and throws a long, bootylicious pass which is caught by David Letterman, who is Pittsburgh's pensive quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the judge for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - pigeon line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for harassing.

In Honor of the Super Bowl

This is an interactive event, and I need the following from you, please. You can leave them in the Comments Lounge area located just South of here. The success or failure of my next post depends on you. No pressure. Thank you.

1) Animal (plural)
2) Plural Noun
3) Noun
4) Celebrity Male
5) Noun
6) Part of the Body
7) Number
8) Another Celebrity
9) Adjective
10) Another Celebrity (male)
11) Adjective
12) Noun
13) Noun
14) Verb Ending in "ing"

Dating Criteria

My friend and I went to lunch today and over our Panera ceasar salads, we were discussing men. We came up with the three basic criteria that we feel women typically look for in men when considering them for a long-term relationship, and they are as follows:
1) Personality
2) Looks
3) Career/Financial Stability

Now, once we established the criteria, we realized that most often, girls won't get a guy that is a perfect three out of three. However, we determined that if a girl could get the right combination of either a solid two out of three, or even perhaps a 3/4 in 2 areas and a 1/2 in the third, then that would be acceptable. Here are a few combinations that we felt would be make or break:

Personality + Career/Financial Stability = Make with low-risk
We felt like personality was the most important because a lot of times, if a guy has a great personality, girls will eventually find him attractive if he's only average looking or not at all attractive at first. Looks actually fall by the wayside if a guy has a solid personality and has a great career/is financially stable. However, if the guy is extremely lacking in the looks category, you do run the risk of having ugly kids.

Looks + Career/Financial Stability = Break
If a guy is extremely good-looking and has a great career but is an absolute bore or dud to be around, then girls may use him as eye-candy and a meal for a while, but will quickly grow tired of him and he won't be in the consideration set for a long term relationship.

Personality + Looks = Make with high-risk
A guy with solid personality and solid looks will typically work out long term. The only concern may be financial stress on the relationship if can't hold down a job or pay his bills.

Personality + Looks + Career/Financial Stability = Make
The ideal. As far as we can tell, these men are either extinct or on the endangered list. Obviously, this would be the ultimate equation for a committed, serious relationship.

Once we agreed to what combination of criteria we thought women could be happy with, we then moved on to take a stab at what men's criteria would be. We determined that if men had criteria, it might be these three (we're talking for a long-term relationship, not a one-night fling):
1) Looks
2) Looks. (Ha! Just kidding) Personality
3) Looks. (ok, ok, I'll stop) Convenience/Ease (meaning you guys are lazy creatures so you like women that are geographically convenient, are low-maintenance, easy to get along with, and don't come with a lot of drama)

These are what we came up with as a best guess as to the top 3 things that men look for, anyway. Any of y'all have anything different?

Learn to Pretend

Guess I wasn’t the best one to ask
Me myself with my face pressed
Up against love’s glass
To see the shiny toy
I’ve been hoping for
The one I never could afford

The wide world spins and spits turmoil
And the nations toil for peace
But the paws of fear upon your chest
Only love can soothe that beast
And my words are paper tigers
No match for the predators of pain inside her

I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there’s now one there will be two

I was born under the sign of cancer(love will come to you)
Like brushing cloth I smooth the wrinkles for an answer(love will come)
I’m always closing my eyes and wishing I’m fine(I close my eyes and wish you fine)
Even though I know I’m not this time(even though I know your not this time)

I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there’s now one there will be two

Dodging your memories a field of knives
Always on the outside looking in on other’s lives

I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through(I have offered up to you)
Where there’s now one there will be two

And I wish her insight to battle love’s blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that scattered
Learn to pretend there’s more than love that matters

~"Love Will Come to You" by the Indigo Girls

Ok, Party People

This place is a wreck! I just finished talking my way out of going to jail when the cops showed up. They're always a buzz kill. Time for the party to be over - I think 5 days of partying is plenty. Thanks for all that came to "shake what their mama's gave them!"

Let's Get It Started, HA, Let's Get It Started in Here

Ok, so maybe I'm 6 visitors short...

BUT, in anticipation of it rolling over to the 5000th visitor, I thought I'd go ahead and get the party started in here. Thanks to all of many, many readers (all 6 of you) that visited over and over and over. I love you, man.

Grab a drink (Yes, Diane, there will be cocktails!) and

Get down with your bad self!

Booked, No, Double Booked Solid

Hectic day today. I was in meetings back to back, some of them overlapped, pretty much all day. Hard to get work done when you're not at your desk. In fact, I had to miss the last meeting because the prior one ran over. On the run all day. Finally able to eat a pack of crackers for "lunch" at 4:30pm, just before running off to meet vendor partners for dinner. Just one of those days.





Glad to finally be at home in my pjs kicked back with my dog at last. Relax. Forecast for tomorrow? Same schedule, different day...

Blog Reader Drive

C'mon people, only 54 more visitors until I break 5000 on my blog counter and we can all experience the balloon drop! Keep those visits coming, and call your friends and relatives to encourage their visit, too.

I appreciate your support.

Didja Know?

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Kara!

1. Britain's Millennium Dome is more than double the size of Kara!
2. Czar Paul I banished Kara to Siberia for marching out of step.
3. If you lick Kara ten times, you will consume one calorie!
4. In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and Kara.
5. The first Kara was made in 1853, and had no pedals.
6. Three seagulls flying overhead are a warning that Kara is near.
7. Kara will often glow under UV light.
8. Kara is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives.
9. Contrary to popular belief, Kara is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases she may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol.
10. Four-fifths of the surface of Kara is covered in water.

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/trivia.pl" method="get" style="background-color:#5F5F42;color:#CFCF95;padding:4px;text-align:center">I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Kara's Commentary to her Trivia Facts:

1) Good gracious, I would hope so!
2) Which is how the Kara Sea, just north of Siberia, came to be named. (consult a map)
3) Ummm...
4) I owe it all to my modeling agent! Take that Chanel! Betcha want me now!
5) Quickly corrected when the 1854 model came out.
6) Better than an Albatross, just ask the Mariner!
7) Ewww, kinda like a cheap motel room? Heyyy, what're you sayin' here??
8) Insert Donna Summers song...
9) 'Nother round on me?
10) Only because I don't like to get water in my ears.

Sappy Crap. Pity Party, Table for One, Please.

I think I'm too sensitive sometimes. I mean, by gender, I'm already predisposed to a certain amount of sensitivity. But couple that with the fact that I'm a Pisces (which by the way, I don't get all wrapped up in astrology or that kind of stuff, but I do find that certain characteristics of people's "signs" are true, whether it just be a self-fulfilling prophecy or something other), and you can run across a very sensitive girl at times. Take for instance, this weekend.

Friday night, I went to dinner with my family. As it happened, only the women were able to come to dinner, so it was me, my mother, my grandmother, my aunt, and my cousin, who is my age and we grew up like sisters. We were having a good time together, because rarely do we get to have a "girl's dinner", and my mom was discussing my sister's upcoming wedding - the planning that's involved, the arrangements, the showers, the registry, etc. Now, as I've alluded to in my past posts, this wedding has been somewhat of a strain on me. Not only am I not very fond of my sister's choice of husband, but also, the fact that my younger sister's getting married before me bugs me. Anyway, all of the sudden, my grandmother looks at me and says in her gentille Southern accent, "Well, Kara, see what all you're missing out on?"

Now, I know my grandmother didn't mean to hurt my feelings. But she did. As if I was supposed to go, "Ohhh, so THIS is what I'm missing out on!? Well, now that I KNOW what's involved when you get married, well, let me see if the waiter's available and we can begin planning mine immediately. Thank goodness you're around to point out the fact that I'm not, that I'm 'missing out', and with my new-found understanding, I'll just take whoever shows up next and expresses any kind of interest in me. What would I have done without you, grandmother?"

But instead of spouting off something ugly and disrespectful in my defense as my blood started to boil and tears began to well up in my eyes, I just darted my cold, intense eyes at her in a flash, then, disgruntled, looked down at my salad and shoved a mouthful of lettuce and croutons in my mouth to keep quiet. The table fell silent, as no one knew what to say to make the situation any easier. Grandmother, of course, was oblivious.

Ok, so maybe I shouldn't have taken it so hard. She's 80, afterall, and when you get that old, crap just comes out of your mouth without thinking. So maybe I shouldn't have been so sensitive about the situation, but I can't help it. I can't help but feel a certain amount of uneasiness, and a certain amount of pressure, that I'll be the only one not married. I am, afterall, a girl.

My Boss Quit

Tomorrow's his last day.

Well, that didn't take long.

Buh-bye.

Congratulations Are In Order

Too bad the order of congratulations AREN'T in order:

To my younger cousin Andrew and his new wife, Katrina (who recently eloped to Hawaii) - Congratulations on the baby and now on your new marriage. The order's a bit flipflopped, but may the pregnacy be well and your marriage blissful.

and

To my sister who went for her wedding dress fitting this past weekend - you looked stunningly beautiful! I support and love you. ALWAYS. XO

Of course, typically the older cousin (me) and older sister (me) should theoretically get married before her younger cousin/younger sister, it's not how it worked out for me. (yeah, I know I'm selfish to think about me at this time, but hey, it's MY blog, where else CAN I be selfish?)

Internet: I Need Help

I know most of you are thinking, "yes, Kara, we've been telling you that for months now, so here's a card to my psychiatrist, give her a call", but that's not what I mean. Here's the question:

Ted's short for Theodore, what's Ned short for?

So True After Only Three Questions!

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

Must Be the Southern Charm

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement. You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you. By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power. And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Which too often means I don't anymore.

Yeah, I Know

It's been a while since I wrote something. You must be bored silly visiting my site and seeing nothing new. Not that you depend on me for your sole source of entertainment. Thank goodness. I'll write soon. Maybe this weekend. Maybe not. Keep you on pins and needles waiting anxiously for my next post. And if you are waiting anxiously, then may I politely say that you need to get a life.

Livin' in High Cotton

Alabama wins the Cotton Bowl 13 - 10 Over Texas Tech

"Texas Tech quarterback Cody Hodges (10) is tackled by Alabama linebacker DeMeco Ryans (35) in the first quarter of the Cotton Bowl football game Monday, Jan. 2, 2006, in Dallas. "

"'By far they were the fastest defense we played all year," Texas Tech senior quarterback Cody Hodges said. "

"Tech head coach Mike Leach called the Tide's defensive speed "significant" in slowing down his offense, which averaged 42 points per game coming in." (but could only score 10 against the Tide...)

I'll now happily go into college football hibernation until late August. Nothing else really happens during the months of January - August anyway, right?