Wine So I Don't Whine

Had a really bad day at work. Oh, who am I kidding. I've had a really bad past three months at work. Ever since I got my "promotion", which is really just a lateral move, same pay, more direct reports, and more responsibility. Not sure where the "promotion" is, but I've been told that that's what it is. One day I'll go into details about all of the drama and misery that is "work" these days. But not tonight. No, not tonight. Mostly because although I'm not a big drinker, I have had a whole bottle of wine tonight. And typing isn't as easy as it usually is. And yes, perhaps I'm drunk. And I've had to use the backspace key several, several times as I try to type this short paragraph. So a full on gab session about how much I hate my boss and her boss is out of the question, at least tonight. But I feel good right here, right now, regardless of the stress ball that is my current life. Cheers!

Grace's Birth Day

My best friend and college roommate had her sweet little girl, and my "niece", last Friday, 5/14. Her name is Grace Elizabeth and she is precious. It was a great dry run to prepare for my real niece, Vivienne, that should be arriving late September. Welcome to the world little angel.

Dud Alert

Talked to my first "match" from eHarmony tonight. He didn't make me laugh in the entire 30 minutes we were on the phone. Kind of a boring conversation. Doesn't seem like that's going to be a good fit. Sigh. Maybe I shouldn't have signed up for this. Guess I still kind of hope that Mr. Right will get a flat tire in front of my house, his cell phone will be dead, and he will knock on my door to call AAA. I'll be sitting on the couch waiting.

Irony

I just received my first seven matches from eHarmony and out of the thousands of men in a 120 mile radius that could be a match for me, one of the first seven matches was a guy I dated about five years ago. So ironic. I had even posted about him back in the day: Simply Decadent and Sinful.

Here We Go Again

So after weeks of stalling and making excuses for not getting back in the saddle, I took the plunge today and signed up on eHarmony. I've done it before without much success, but I have to start somewhere. Not sure I'm ready for Match.com - that's more of a "bar" type setting where more men seem to be looking for hook-ups than anything more serious. So, I thought I'd take it slow and go the eHarmony route, hoping to be matched with someone that shares my values, ideals, and interests. I even expanded my "search" radius to 120 miles in the hopes of finding a good, solid, smart Southern man. Hey, it worked for one of my co-workers so maybe, just maybe, this time will work for me. At the very least, I'm out there again, instead of solely relying on Mr. Right to knock on my door while I sit on my couch every night after work! Wish me luck. At the very least, I'll have some interesting blog topics from my continued dating antics!

Someday by Alan Jackson

This just about sums it all up.

She looked me in the eye and said it's over
I can't take this heartache anymore
She said don't tell me lies and try to please me
I've heard it all so many times before

And I took her by the arm and said don't leave me
There's nothin' in this world I wouldn't do
Just give me time I'll be the man you've needed
She said I wish that I could take that for the truth

And I said someday
I'll get my life straight
And she said it's too late
What's done is done
And I told her someday
She said I can't wait
'Cause sometimes someday just never comes

She said all I've ever wanted was to love you
And somewhere deep inside me I still do
But now I think it's time I stopped believin'
'Cause I'm never gonna see a change in you

And I said someday
I'll get my life straight
And she said it's too late
What's done is done
And I told her someday
She said I can't wait
'Cause sometimes someday just never comes
Sometimes someday just never comes

Heartbreak

So, after two and a half years, the relationship dissolved on March 9, 2010. I was ready to get married and as it turns out, he wasn't able to yet. And he took Gypsy. It's been really hard, and although I trust that God has plan for my life, it's really hard to understand it all.

We went ring shopping this time last year and I picked out two rings that I would love. He told me last year that he felt that an engagement would come within 4 months. Four months came and went, along with his surprise trip that I planned to Boston for his 40th birthday to see Red Sox vs. Yankees at Fenway, and our 2 year anniversary, but no engagement. We went to the mountains in November, when I asked him again when we might get engaged and he agreed that it would be by my birthday (March 3rd). So, with every fall holiday, I held my breath thinking this was going to be it. By Christmas I just knew it was coming. Christmas, New Years, and Valentines Day came and went. Two weeks before my birthday, we had a heart to heart conversation and I learned that we weren't any closer to an engagement then we were a year ago. He had some hang ups about commitment due to divorce in his family, and the disappointment crushed me. He moved out a few days later, and we officially broke up a week later. We haven't spoken since. And now, I'm 33 years old without any marriage, let alone family, in sight. And it sucks. And the disappointment can at times be unbearable. I'm now trying to gather the pieces and re-enter the dating world.

I just don't understand why my life has to be so hard.