Heartbreak

So, after two and a half years, the relationship dissolved on March 9, 2010. I was ready to get married and as it turns out, he wasn't able to yet. And he took Gypsy. It's been really hard, and although I trust that God has plan for my life, it's really hard to understand it all.

We went ring shopping this time last year and I picked out two rings that I would love. He told me last year that he felt that an engagement would come within 4 months. Four months came and went, along with his surprise trip that I planned to Boston for his 40th birthday to see Red Sox vs. Yankees at Fenway, and our 2 year anniversary, but no engagement. We went to the mountains in November, when I asked him again when we might get engaged and he agreed that it would be by my birthday (March 3rd). So, with every fall holiday, I held my breath thinking this was going to be it. By Christmas I just knew it was coming. Christmas, New Years, and Valentines Day came and went. Two weeks before my birthday, we had a heart to heart conversation and I learned that we weren't any closer to an engagement then we were a year ago. He had some hang ups about commitment due to divorce in his family, and the disappointment crushed me. He moved out a few days later, and we officially broke up a week later. We haven't spoken since. And now, I'm 33 years old without any marriage, let alone family, in sight. And it sucks. And the disappointment can at times be unbearable. I'm now trying to gather the pieces and re-enter the dating world.

I just don't understand why my life has to be so hard.