Beer and Baldness

The scene: Exposed wood beams, wood floors, neon beer signs, and a kick-ass local band at the local bar with a friend one night about a year ago. This place is definitely not a shee-shee type place, more of a hole in the wall where jeans are about as dressy as the crowd gets. But I like it.

The action: A fun, no frills, laid-back girl’s night. My friend and I were in the crowd out on the dance floor in front of the band, singing and dancing to the music.

The bald-guy: Really tall, bald, muscle meat-head. That’s how I would describe the guy dancing next to us. He started talking to us and we found out that a) he was an Atlanta PD officer in training and b) he was extremely drunk. Out of courtesy, we continued to smile and nod at the conversation, stuck next to him on the crowded dance floor, looking around for the chance for our great escape – to the bathroom, to the bar, to anywhere other than standing next to the very intoxicated wanna-be-a-cop.

The prank: All of the sudden, out of the blue in his drunken thinking, he takes his beer bottle, turns it upside down, and pours beer down my v-neck shirt and into my cleavage! Then starts laughing hysterically! Let me just tell you that I went from cordial to raging bitch in about 2 seconds, if even that. I laid into him on how disrespectful and immature that was and what a jackass he was and on and on and on and he just continued to laugh. He was proud of himself for this stunt.

The fight and the fury: His pride in his actions just added even more fuel to my fire, so in my utter anger, I took the glass of draft beer I was holding and dumped it all over his bald head! For good measure, I then took my hand and rubbed it in and condescendingly patted the top of his head with a few light pats. Ha! Perhaps a bit of stooping to his level, but I was hopping mad. And it takes A LOT to make me mad. I’m not a quick temper kind of girl, but he had gone above and beyond my threshold of patience. With beer dripping from his head and even from his eyelashes, I realized that I had thoroughly pissed him off, to say the VERY least, and soon after I did it, seeing the look in this very large man’s eyes, I regretted my action immediately. He reared back like he was going to hit me and I was scared. Luckily, his friends rushed over and grabbed him and began apologizing profusely to me on his behalf. I stormed off to the restroom to try to dry off the beer dumped down my shirt.

The apology: After ranting about the incident in the women’s restroom and all but ensuring he wasn’t taking home any girl from that bar that night after hearing the kind of man (and I use that term oh so loosely) he is, I got my composure and walked back out. He and his friends were standing just outside the restrooms ready to apologize, with my replacement beer they’d bought for me in hand. I accepted his apology, took the beer, and was happy to go on my merry way, back to the good-time I was having before the prank. But this wasn’t good enough for him. He thought that just because he’d apologized, that we should be friends for some reason, and couldn’t get it through his thick skull that I wanted nothing more to do with him. He followed me and my friend around and kept on and on about how sorry he was. I got to the point where I had to just ignore him in the hopes he’d lose interest in trying to be my friend and leave us alone. His friends finally had to drag him out of the bar. On his way out, his bald head blinded me for a second when the light hit it just right. Apparently beer works wonders for shining up a bald head. :)