The Abyss

Today’s outfit: A cute black dress with a scoop neckline and a flower embroidery detail at the hemline. The dress is important to this story. Ok, maybe not the fact that it’s cute or that is has a flower embroidery, but whatever.

So, I’m sitting in a meeting this afternoon and my friend/coworker sitting next to me discretely slides me a piece of gum, the kind you pop out of the plastic bubble as opposed to a stick you unwrap. I take it, trying hard to ensure that the meeting presenter isn’t distracted by the exchange and that I continue pretending to be ever so “enthralled” in the meeting subject. I look at her and give her a “thank you” eye raise and half smile. I go to put the piece of gum in my mouth and somehow miss my mouth. The gum drops down inside the front of my dress and sticks in my cleavage below the scooped neckline – way out of reach for any kind of appropriate search and rescue attempt while in the middle of a full conference room! My friend sees this and her shoulders begin to shake as she stifles her laughter. Then my shoulders begin to shake in response to her laughing at me. You know this kind of laughter – the kind you did as a kid in church trying to keep quiet so your mom doesn’t get mad? Then my face turns bright red with the knowledge that a) she saw this happen and is laughing at me, causing me to silently laugh uncontrollably while trying to maintain any decorum and b) that I now have a piece of gum down in my cleavage that I can’t do anything about. So I think, maybe if I move around just right, that the gum will shake free and fall down the rest of the way of my dress and to the floor. So every so often I would lean forward a little, then I’d cross my left leg over my right, then change and cross my right over my left, then I’d lean back, just trying different positions to see if it’d budge. I think the only thing I accomplished is wedging it even further down between the speed bumps in my dress. At last the meeting was over and everyone got up to leave. As I stood up, I felt the piece of gum fall free and down my body. It came out of the bottom of my dress and bounced on the floor. Another coworker that didn’t see the previous incident go down to know where it came from leans over to pick up the fallen piece of gum just as he says, “hey Kara, you dropped something.” I take it and thank him as my face again turns the color of a beet. My friend that had given me the gum breaks out into a roar of laughter. He smiles and walks away confused. If only this guy knew, if only he knew.