Wine So I Don't Whine

Had a really bad day at work. Oh, who am I kidding. I've had a really bad past three months at work. Ever since I got my "promotion", which is really just a lateral move, same pay, more direct reports, and more responsibility. Not sure where the "promotion" is, but I've been told that that's what it is. One day I'll go into details about all of the drama and misery that is "work" these days. But not tonight. No, not tonight. Mostly because although I'm not a big drinker, I have had a whole bottle of wine tonight. And typing isn't as easy as it usually is. And yes, perhaps I'm drunk. And I've had to use the backspace key several, several times as I try to type this short paragraph. So a full on gab session about how much I hate my boss and her boss is out of the question, at least tonight. But I feel good right here, right now, regardless of the stress ball that is my current life. Cheers!

Grace's Birth Day

My best friend and college roommate had her sweet little girl, and my "niece", last Friday, 5/14. Her name is Grace Elizabeth and she is precious. It was a great dry run to prepare for my real niece, Vivienne, that should be arriving late September. Welcome to the world little angel.

Dud Alert

Talked to my first "match" from eHarmony tonight. He didn't make me laugh in the entire 30 minutes we were on the phone. Kind of a boring conversation. Doesn't seem like that's going to be a good fit. Sigh. Maybe I shouldn't have signed up for this. Guess I still kind of hope that Mr. Right will get a flat tire in front of my house, his cell phone will be dead, and he will knock on my door to call AAA. I'll be sitting on the couch waiting.

Irony

I just received my first seven matches from eHarmony and out of the thousands of men in a 120 mile radius that could be a match for me, one of the first seven matches was a guy I dated about five years ago. So ironic. I had even posted about him back in the day: Simply Decadent and Sinful.

Here We Go Again

So after weeks of stalling and making excuses for not getting back in the saddle, I took the plunge today and signed up on eHarmony. I've done it before without much success, but I have to start somewhere. Not sure I'm ready for Match.com - that's more of a "bar" type setting where more men seem to be looking for hook-ups than anything more serious. So, I thought I'd take it slow and go the eHarmony route, hoping to be matched with someone that shares my values, ideals, and interests. I even expanded my "search" radius to 120 miles in the hopes of finding a good, solid, smart Southern man. Hey, it worked for one of my co-workers so maybe, just maybe, this time will work for me. At the very least, I'm out there again, instead of solely relying on Mr. Right to knock on my door while I sit on my couch every night after work! Wish me luck. At the very least, I'll have some interesting blog topics from my continued dating antics!

Someday by Alan Jackson

This just about sums it all up.

She looked me in the eye and said it's over
I can't take this heartache anymore
She said don't tell me lies and try to please me
I've heard it all so many times before

And I took her by the arm and said don't leave me
There's nothin' in this world I wouldn't do
Just give me time I'll be the man you've needed
She said I wish that I could take that for the truth

And I said someday
I'll get my life straight
And she said it's too late
What's done is done
And I told her someday
She said I can't wait
'Cause sometimes someday just never comes

She said all I've ever wanted was to love you
And somewhere deep inside me I still do
But now I think it's time I stopped believin'
'Cause I'm never gonna see a change in you

And I said someday
I'll get my life straight
And she said it's too late
What's done is done
And I told her someday
She said I can't wait
'Cause sometimes someday just never comes
Sometimes someday just never comes

Heartbreak

So, after two and a half years, the relationship dissolved on March 9, 2010. I was ready to get married and as it turns out, he wasn't able to yet. And he took Gypsy. It's been really hard, and although I trust that God has plan for my life, it's really hard to understand it all.

We went ring shopping this time last year and I picked out two rings that I would love. He told me last year that he felt that an engagement would come within 4 months. Four months came and went, along with his surprise trip that I planned to Boston for his 40th birthday to see Red Sox vs. Yankees at Fenway, and our 2 year anniversary, but no engagement. We went to the mountains in November, when I asked him again when we might get engaged and he agreed that it would be by my birthday (March 3rd). So, with every fall holiday, I held my breath thinking this was going to be it. By Christmas I just knew it was coming. Christmas, New Years, and Valentines Day came and went. Two weeks before my birthday, we had a heart to heart conversation and I learned that we weren't any closer to an engagement then we were a year ago. He had some hang ups about commitment due to divorce in his family, and the disappointment crushed me. He moved out a few days later, and we officially broke up a week later. We haven't spoken since. And now, I'm 33 years old without any marriage, let alone family, in sight. And it sucks. And the disappointment can at times be unbearable. I'm now trying to gather the pieces and re-enter the dating world.

I just don't understand why my life has to be so hard.

The Start of Something Great

Last night was the first of a few different and exciting things. To start, it was the first game of the 2007 Alabama football season. Any of you that know me at all, or have even read archived posts, know what a huge fan I am. I have been waiting 9 months for this day, and luckily, it lived up to my high expectations. We played Western Carolina, albeit not a huge challenge, but nonetheless, a great chance to showcase the '07 team. It was a decidedly large victory, in fact, a 52 to 6 win. The Bama boys held them to just 2 field goals. I was very impressed with the condition of the players, the sharpness in the plays, the running game, the passing game, and the organized play-calling. Overall, a very exciting start to the season!

"Darren Mustin and Rolando McClain knock the helmet off of Western Carolina running back Willie Harper."

I would be amiss if I didn't recognize one of the biggest impacts to our team: the hiring of Nick Saban as head coach. To say that this has brought about a renewed excitement in the legacy of the program is an understatement. Although he has taken some heat for his move into our head coach position out of the Miami Dolphin gig, and for the fact that he is now the highest paid college football coach, the anticipation of what he brings to the table is insurmountable. He's a good fit for our team and has the personality to respect the tradition of the past while creating an era of his own at the University.


And of course, the fans are even more supportive of the team and new coaching staff than ever before. I was fortunate to be apart of the record-setting 92,000 crowd that showed up for the Spring team scrimmage in April - a game that pits Alabama player against Alabama player to showcase the hard work of spring training. And, the fans once again did not disappoint at this first game of the season, showing up in droves and packing the stadium yet again to capacity. This time, for a game that counts.


Roll Tide.

I Love Him!

Just an updated picture of my boy. I do love him.

I Want Off The Ride

When is it my turn to get off the dating train? I'm so tired of riding it, it's not even funny. In fact, I don't even feel like I'm riding anymore, rather being pulled along behind the train nowadays. Scrapes and bruises, all torn and tattered. Where is my stop? What sleepy little town can I settle down in to call home - to get out of the turmoil and the drama? Fifteen years and too many dates to count, when can I just find 'the one' and be done?

My Birthday Montage

The March Forward

I know from my last post, some were confused that I'd already celebrated my 30th birthday, but not so. The car was ordered as a birthday gift to myself (still three weeks away from it arriving here, and me and the salesman didn't work out), but in actuality, this Saturday is the big day. I've officially got exactly 5 more days to enjoy(?) my twenties. The reality is that I'm really looking forward to the change. I've always been a bit mature for my age, and the continuous climb up the corporate ladder hasn't really left me feeling like a twenty-something anyway.

Thirty.

From a career perspective I'm satisfied with where I'm at at this milestone. But to be honest, not exactly where I thought I'd be in my personal life. Since I worked so hard to grow the career girl in my twenties, maybe I'll dedicate this next decade to fulfilling the softer side of Kara. Volunteer. Give back. Show up on Sunday more consistently. Nurture my spirit instead of cracking the whip. Relax the pressures I tend to bestow upon myself. Breathe.

Happy Valenthirtieth Birthday To Me

EDIT: Actual photo of purchase

Check out what I'm buying myself for Valentine's Day/my 30th birthday. I can hardly wait!! I ordered the SLT-1 in Red Jewel with ebony leather and the dual-sunroof. It should come in around mid-March, completely missing Valentine's Day AND my birthday, but it will be worth it. I figure that I have no one else to spoil me, so I should do a great job of spoiling myself! The SUV order also came with a date with my salesman...I'll keep you updated on how that turns out. We met for drinks Wednesday night and had a GREAT time. We've talked a few other times since then on the phone, but no 2nd date as of yet. I don't think he's "the one", but he sure is a good kisser! ;-)

EDIT: We dated for three weeks and then never really talked again.

Always a Bridesmaid

So I just purchased the 7th bridesmaid dress of my life. This one is "celedon", otherwise known as light green. Luckily, she changed her choice to celedon before we had to order, or else I'd be wearing a pinapple-colored dress down the aisle! Geesh!! The funny thing is, it's the exact same dress I had to wear for my sister's wedding last year, so I'm having to shell out another $200 for the same dress but in a different color. Too bad they can't just dye them or something! And it's another $200 dress that I'll only wear once. But, it's for my best friend from high school who's getting married in June, so a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! I'm happy for her. Her fiance is a really sweet and thoughtful guy, and they've been dating for about 5 years, so it's probably time that they go ahead and tie the knot. Now, for me, it'll be eating celery and trying to get a tan before June so I'll look good in the celedon dress.

The Married Magnet

So in my hiatus from blogging, I've neglected to tell the tale of my summer of married men. Somehow I've become dubbed in my friend group as the married man magnet. It's with good reason, so I can't really blame them for the stigma. Let me explain...

Married man #1: The guy at work.
I had a meeting with a guy at work to discuss marketing and how to integrate with communications and operations within the company. The guy I met with was young, tall, and fairly attractive, charming and funny - characteristics that as a package, are decidedly missing from the men in my company, so it came as a surprise. I noticed he wasn't wearing a ring, but really was treating the meeting as nothing more than a business conversation, until I got a fairly flirtatious email from him after our initial meeting. This started a fun, witty email banter back and forth full of flirtations and laughs, and ultimately ended up in a lunch date for later that week. I was excited! The day of the date, he asked me if I could drive. He made up the excuse that he couldn't drive because he had carpooled that day and didn't have his car. Not really thinking that much of it at this point, I agreed (although not thrilled about it. I'm kind of old school in that I like the guy to drive, especially on a first date). So we met in the lobby and I drove us to the restaurant where we had a really great lunch with fun conversation. I was having a blast, and still very excited about this prospect. But, as we continued to email back and forth for a few days afterward, things started to not add up to me. He would never ask me for my number, which I thought was odd, was very vague about what part of town he lived in, and wasn't really asking me out for a second date. However the flirtations over email were stronger than ever, and he'd frequently stop by my desk to say hi. That, as it turns out, was his fatal mistake.

One day while at my desk, one of my coworkers who had previously worked with him stopped to say hi. In later passing conversation with my coworker, I found out that this guy was married with a brand new baby! I was disappointed and sad all at the same time. I felt horrible that I had gone on a date with him, but how was I to know?!! I emailed him and asked him point blank if he was married. His reply? "Well, it's complicated." Um, ladies and gentlemen, this is a yes or no question. How freakin' complicated could it possibly be? So I pressed him about it again and his response was, "let's just say we'll always only be friends." FRIENDS? That's certainly NOT the way he had been treating me prior to being busted! Needless to say I blasted him over email about how he should have more respect for his wife and child (he must've had a car seat in his car which is probably why he didn't want me to drive that day), and that I wasn't interested in being his friend at this point. To this day, I always seem to find myself inadvertently running into him in the hallways at work, and I wish you could see the blood drain from his face when he sees me. I'm like his worst nightmare, unintentionally haunting him. That's what he gets for trying to be a jerk at work. Smart guy, yeah, really smart...

Married man #2: The stranger at lunch.
So a few months after the work guy, I was having lunch with one of my friends at a local mexican restaurant, minding my own business, when this guy walks up to the table and places a piece of folded paper down next to me. He said, "I think you dropped this on the floor." I was thoroughly confused because I didn't have my purse with me, and was almost positive the piece of paper wasn't mine, but before I could register my thoughts, he had turned around and walked off. So, I picked up the paper, unfolded it and read, "I think you're hot. You're body type is smokin' to me. Would love to get to know you better. If you're interested, call me." and he left his name and number. My face burned with blushing cheeks as my friend made a big fuss about the note. She kept asking if I was going to call, and my first instinct was no. However, we had just been in a conversation about how guys don't have the nerve or confidence to approach women to ask them out, and I thought, here I am complaining about guys not doing it, and when they do, I don't follow through. So I waited a few days keeping the note, and then decided to call. We had a great conversation, I was laughing and we were relating to each other. I knew that if he asked, that I would probably meet up with him for a date. He was 36, had a great job, was very personable, and seemed to be a good guy. Until about 20 minutes into the conversation, he drops the bomb: "hey, before we get too far into this, I want to be completely honest with you. No, I'm not gay [nervous laughter], I'm a happily married man with 2 kids. I don't know what you're looking for in terms of a relationship, but if you're just looking for a friend with benefits type of thing, I'd love to meet up with you sometime." It was one of those moments when the record scratches, the music stops, and the jaw drops. I was like, "what!?" I immediately told him I wasn't interested, and that if he were happily married he wouldn't be dropping notes at a stranger's table at lunch trying to sleep with her. I also mentioned that I thought he needed therapy. His response? "Well, if you change your mind, you have my number and I'd love to hear back from you." I told him that he'd never hear from me, that I wouldn't bother. I also tried to search online for his home address because I was going to mail the letter to his "happily married wife" so she's know what her husband was up to, but wasn't able to find it. That's too bad, I think she ought to know she married a jerk.

Frustrated and discouraged with the men that I've met lately? You bet. Can you blame me? And so it goes...

Like Old Times

Obviously I've left this blog on the shelf for a while. It's a bit dusty, but upon revisiting, I realized how much I enjoy documenting some of my life experiences, moods, and dating antics, and how fun it is to go back and remember details that all to often fall out of memory. So, I've decided to pick up the habit again. And I'm looking forward to sharing excerpts from my life in 2007.

Blind Talents

Ever noticed how some people with great talents can't seem to apply those same talents in their personal lives? Take my grandmother for instance. In her younger years she was Vice President of a Bank and did a damn good job. Bank files were always in balance. However, in her personal life, she's had to file bankruptcy twice because she lacks the ability to control her own finances.

Same goes for me. I have a psychology degree, and can see every one of my friend's, and even some stranger's, reasons for behavior, but can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Glad to See I'm Not the Only One Trying to Just Breathe

It's just about 3am and I've yet to fall asleep tonight. Maybe it was the nap I took this afternoon, or the diet coke before bed, or maybe it's the million things that I can't seem to shake from my head. I've tried visualization techniques, I've tried reading in bed, I've tried relaxation methods, and to no avail. The song "Breathe" keeps running through my head, so in an attempt to kill time and potentially make myself sleepy, I decided to post. Ironically, in my search for the lyrics to this song, I find this blog and it's as if she wrote this post for me. It's exactly what I'm living and exactly what I want to write (obviously with the exception of "Aaron" and an "ex-husband", of which I have neither):

Just Breathe (are we suffocating?)
“2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to”
--Anna Nalick, Breathe (2AM)

3AM and I toss restlessly in bed. I can’t fall back asleep. The covers are closing around my neck, as though they have a savage purpose of their own. The night that wraps around me activates my thoughts—sparks of ideas firing around in my brain—ideas I’ll never retain until morning. I try my usual repertoire of mental sleep strategies, no luck. Over and over in my head the chorus of Anna Nalick’s Breathe whispers in my head.

I finally get up; Aaron remains breathing peacefully, rhythmically—despite my repeated surreptitious attempts to rouse him. The dogs follow me into the den, their feet padding like little tap dancers behind me. I fire up the computer—maybe I’ll write. I want to hear Breathe so I access iTunes and search for the song. There are currently well over 50 songs with the word “breathe” as the title, or factoring strongly into the title. There is also a group called Breathe.

This gets me wondering about all these poetic attempts to encourage breathing, to remind us of this basic function. Are we all suffocating? What is constricting us? What makes my life so much more animated at night, in the confines of my over-burdened imagination? How many times a day do I realize that I am holding my breath, that I must make a concerted effort to release the holding? Do we do this less when we’re children, when we lack adult self-consciousness?

Anna sings:"'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe"

I download the song, beautiful songwriting, beautiful singer. She’s living her art. I want to live my art, but the risk makes me store it instead in my head—maybe to be intentionally forgotten. What hurts more, singing out loud off-key, or just listening to the music in your head? My ex-husband used to sing off-key in church, loudly, proudly. I remember hating him, rather, for his healthy abandon as I just mouthed the words.For complete lyrics to Breathe follow this link.

Thank you for your post, stranger on the internet. Hope you get some sleep.

Idiots!

I'm about to go off on a slight rant or three. I just got home from work, so I'm entitled.

Rant #1
I work with a bunch of idiots. I mean, idiots. The shame of it is that for the most part, they are talented, even smart people, they just don't THINK. I think I'm the only one that uses the grey matter in my head. C'mon people, it's not rocket science, it's advertising! We're not trying to save the world, but we ARE trying to get customers into the stores. Let's try and think like that. THINK! I could strangle them all after today. Just as a hypothetical example: here's a strategy brief - the ad must be yellow no matter what. And what do I get back today for a proof? A blue ad. And why do I get back a blue ad? Because it's "pretty." Yeah, but it doesn't meet the strategy now, does it? Oh, you didn't even bother to read the strategy. Huh, wonder why I even bothered to put together a strategy brief? Maybe because I needed you guys to produce a YELLOW ad??? Figures. Geez...

Rant #2
I can't stand people that are afraid to drive their cars. Oh, you know these people. The ones that do 5 miles below the speed limit on the interstate. They use their blinker to change lanes for 10 minutes before actually attempting to slowly drift their car over into a completely empty lane. The ones that ride their brakes for miles because someone 6 miles away tapped their brakes for 2 seconds. The ones that sit rigidly upright in their seat, white nuckles clinching the wheel, and won't budge when merging traffic tries to enter the lane, OR they practically come to a stop to let a car on the interstate not realizing that it's the other car's job to merge into the flow of traffic, not their job to stop completely to let them in. Just DRIVE dammit! If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you're the one I can't stand. Get off the road.

Rant #3
Mark my words, I, Kara, will never date a man named Ryan ever again. They are all the same. I've dated two Ryan's in my lifetime, both were 5 and 10 years ago respectively, but I've come to find that they are all the same guy. My good friend has a guy named Ryan interested in her, and he's the same kind of Ryan as the 2 that I've dated in my past, and I.can't.stand.that.guy. It's the kind of guy that's so sickeningly-syrupy sweet that you want to roll your eyes and gag. He's sending her emails that say things like, "on the 7th day when God created light, he must've created your smile. You light up a room everywhere you go, and your charm is left behind of a precious token of your essence when you leave...blah blah blah". Don't get me wrong, I can be just as romantic as the next girl, but puh-leese. I actually broke up with the former Ryan's that I've dated for being "too sweet." I just couldn't stand sitting on that pedestal.

Whew. I'm feeling better, either because I've gotten all of this off my chest, or the pinot noir is kicking in.

Didja Miss Me? Been Busy. You Know - Poker Queen and Movie Star

Hey kids (rock and roll, rock on...)!

Didja miss me? I've been super busy and haven't had time to write or read, but finally got a chance tonight. I've had a million things to write about, but with so much time passing between events, I've just about forgotten everything I wanted to document. Hmmm, let's see....

Well, ever since I got back from Vegas, I've been playing Texas Hold'em every Monday night. (you know, where the crazy guy plays too) I've gotten pretty good, I must say. Last night was the final tourney for this quarter, and I came in 8th overall. Not too bad for a fairly new player. I won a fancy beer tshirt. Yep, jealous aren't you? Ok, so maybe I'm not a poker queen, but I'm working on it.

Also, weekend before last, I was a movie star. Ok, so maybe my definition of movie star is slightly askew from that of, say, Julia Roberts, but whatever. We're both from Georgia. But seriously, Matthew McConaughey (yes, he's on my top 5 list) and Matthew Fox (could there be a more perfect pair of hotties?) are in town filming a movie coming out this fall called We Are Marshall (the two Matthews play the Marshall University coaches). I'm not sure how a movie could be any more perfect for me: two HOT Matthews, one of which broke up with Penelope Cruz just before my debut, and the movie is about FOOTBALL! Anyway, I was a very famous movie extra sitting in the stands as the all important "crowd-member #248". Did you know that most crowd scenes are filled with blow up dummies? Yeah, they just intersperse real people amongst the dummies for movement effect. Well anyway, I was sitting between dummy #247 and dummy #249 right about halfway up the bleachers on the 45 yard line. Look for me when the movie's out. I'll be on the red carpet at the movie premier, and I can sign an autograph, too, if you'd like. I'm still down to earth with "the little people" (that'd be all of you non-movie stars out there). But since we're all such close friends, I'm going to hook you up with exclusive footage of the movie, and the hotties, before the movie even comes out. I'm sure People or US Weekly will be dying to pay me for my photos.