The Married Magnet

So in my hiatus from blogging, I've neglected to tell the tale of my summer of married men. Somehow I've become dubbed in my friend group as the married man magnet. It's with good reason, so I can't really blame them for the stigma. Let me explain...

Married man #1: The guy at work.
I had a meeting with a guy at work to discuss marketing and how to integrate with communications and operations within the company. The guy I met with was young, tall, and fairly attractive, charming and funny - characteristics that as a package, are decidedly missing from the men in my company, so it came as a surprise. I noticed he wasn't wearing a ring, but really was treating the meeting as nothing more than a business conversation, until I got a fairly flirtatious email from him after our initial meeting. This started a fun, witty email banter back and forth full of flirtations and laughs, and ultimately ended up in a lunch date for later that week. I was excited! The day of the date, he asked me if I could drive. He made up the excuse that he couldn't drive because he had carpooled that day and didn't have his car. Not really thinking that much of it at this point, I agreed (although not thrilled about it. I'm kind of old school in that I like the guy to drive, especially on a first date). So we met in the lobby and I drove us to the restaurant where we had a really great lunch with fun conversation. I was having a blast, and still very excited about this prospect. But, as we continued to email back and forth for a few days afterward, things started to not add up to me. He would never ask me for my number, which I thought was odd, was very vague about what part of town he lived in, and wasn't really asking me out for a second date. However the flirtations over email were stronger than ever, and he'd frequently stop by my desk to say hi. That, as it turns out, was his fatal mistake.

One day while at my desk, one of my coworkers who had previously worked with him stopped to say hi. In later passing conversation with my coworker, I found out that this guy was married with a brand new baby! I was disappointed and sad all at the same time. I felt horrible that I had gone on a date with him, but how was I to know?!! I emailed him and asked him point blank if he was married. His reply? "Well, it's complicated." Um, ladies and gentlemen, this is a yes or no question. How freakin' complicated could it possibly be? So I pressed him about it again and his response was, "let's just say we'll always only be friends." FRIENDS? That's certainly NOT the way he had been treating me prior to being busted! Needless to say I blasted him over email about how he should have more respect for his wife and child (he must've had a car seat in his car which is probably why he didn't want me to drive that day), and that I wasn't interested in being his friend at this point. To this day, I always seem to find myself inadvertently running into him in the hallways at work, and I wish you could see the blood drain from his face when he sees me. I'm like his worst nightmare, unintentionally haunting him. That's what he gets for trying to be a jerk at work. Smart guy, yeah, really smart...

Married man #2: The stranger at lunch.
So a few months after the work guy, I was having lunch with one of my friends at a local mexican restaurant, minding my own business, when this guy walks up to the table and places a piece of folded paper down next to me. He said, "I think you dropped this on the floor." I was thoroughly confused because I didn't have my purse with me, and was almost positive the piece of paper wasn't mine, but before I could register my thoughts, he had turned around and walked off. So, I picked up the paper, unfolded it and read, "I think you're hot. You're body type is smokin' to me. Would love to get to know you better. If you're interested, call me." and he left his name and number. My face burned with blushing cheeks as my friend made a big fuss about the note. She kept asking if I was going to call, and my first instinct was no. However, we had just been in a conversation about how guys don't have the nerve or confidence to approach women to ask them out, and I thought, here I am complaining about guys not doing it, and when they do, I don't follow through. So I waited a few days keeping the note, and then decided to call. We had a great conversation, I was laughing and we were relating to each other. I knew that if he asked, that I would probably meet up with him for a date. He was 36, had a great job, was very personable, and seemed to be a good guy. Until about 20 minutes into the conversation, he drops the bomb: "hey, before we get too far into this, I want to be completely honest with you. No, I'm not gay [nervous laughter], I'm a happily married man with 2 kids. I don't know what you're looking for in terms of a relationship, but if you're just looking for a friend with benefits type of thing, I'd love to meet up with you sometime." It was one of those moments when the record scratches, the music stops, and the jaw drops. I was like, "what!?" I immediately told him I wasn't interested, and that if he were happily married he wouldn't be dropping notes at a stranger's table at lunch trying to sleep with her. I also mentioned that I thought he needed therapy. His response? "Well, if you change your mind, you have my number and I'd love to hear back from you." I told him that he'd never hear from me, that I wouldn't bother. I also tried to search online for his home address because I was going to mail the letter to his "happily married wife" so she's know what her husband was up to, but wasn't able to find it. That's too bad, I think she ought to know she married a jerk.

Frustrated and discouraged with the men that I've met lately? You bet. Can you blame me? And so it goes...