So now I’m the last single grandchild standing. My sister’s wedding went very well and she’s off relaxing in the Caribbean somewhere as the new Mrs. “P”. I just thought I’d share a few experiences from this weekend:
"This wedding was brought to you by Pepto Bismal”
I’m not a big fan of the color pink. You know I really must love my sister when I actually pay the manicurist/pedicurist to paint cotton candy pink nail polish on my nails and toes to go with my fuschea bridesmaid dress and coordinated light pink rose bouquet. Molly Ringwold, eat your heart out (for those under the age of 25 that don’t know who Molly Ringwold is, she did several movies in the 80s, before you were born, including one called ‘Pretty in Pink’).
I Spanx-ed ‘em
Squeezing into a pair of Spanx “Power Panties” should be considered for an Olympic event. Seriously. Friday was the qualifying round as I pushed and pulled to get them on for my rehearsal dinner dress, and Saturday was the finals as I tackled getting them on under my bridesmaid dress. Score ended up Kara 2, Spanx 0 - but it was a very close match-up. Very close. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to pull it off. Literally.
The Sun and My Moon
I didn’t realize when I made the appointment that achieving a spray tan would mean a one on one encounter with me in my undies and a stranger with an airbrush gun standing uncomfortably in a small room together. This may be one of the very few times in my life that I wish I wore full-back granny panties.
Light My Fire
When my sister and her husband went to light the unity candle, initially, the candle did light. But by the time they both got their respective candles back in the candle holders, the flame had gone out. They stood there, looked at each other and shrugged as if to say, “oh well.” I had to tap her on the arm and whispered, “light the candle again.” The Minister, who happens to be my cousin’s husband, said, “as you can see, marriage takes a little effort and some support from family…”
Penny For Your Thoughts
If I had a penny for everyone at the wedding that asked when they could come back for my wedding, or when I was going to get married, well, I’d be a rich gir…err…well, I’d at least have enough money for a Coke. Biggie-sized. I also heard every cliché about singledom that I’ve ever known. Over and over I had to hear phrases such as, “the right one’s out there”, “don’t settle”, “it’ll happen when you least expect it”, and my personal favorite, “you’ve got plenty of time”. People, I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. How do you know I have “plenty of time”?
But seriously, I’m really not as much of a cynic as I sound. I’m really mostly joking about this. I do believe in love and in marriage and in romance. In fact, someone gave me a whole new perspective on the subject this week. He said, weddings are basically standing in front of important friends and family and admitting to all of them that this guy (or girl) that you’re marrying is the best you could do. I’d never quite thought about it like that, but it’s true. I may or may not agree that the man my sister chose is the “best” she could do, but in all honesty, I don’t know that any one would have ever been good enough for her anyway. If she thinks he’s the best, then I truly wish her happiness. After such a beautiful wedding, I think she’s off to a good start.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Space Filler
As you can imagine, this weekend was chock full of all kinds of busy. I haven't had a chance to write what I want about the wedding, so until then, I'll stretch for more time:
If you were to have a vanity license plate on your car, what would you put on it?
If you were to have a vanity license plate on your car, what would you put on it?
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Going to the Chapel
So my younger sister's wedding is this weekend. The final countdown. And even though I'm still not crazy about the whole thing, I've come to terms with it a little and am even feeling a little on the romantic side myself.
It'll be the quintessential wedding, with pink bridesmaid dresses (hooray for me, another pink one for my bridesmaid dress collection!), pink roses, candles, string quartet, white antebellum mansion (think along the lines of "Tara" from Gone with the Wind) and all. But it's so my sister. At least for her, I hope it's the most incredible day she's ever known. And I'll do my very best to help make that happen. She deserves it and I love her.
It'll be the quintessential wedding, with pink bridesmaid dresses (hooray for me, another pink one for my bridesmaid dress collection!), pink roses, candles, string quartet, white antebellum mansion (think along the lines of "Tara" from Gone with the Wind) and all. But it's so my sister. At least for her, I hope it's the most incredible day she's ever known. And I'll do my very best to help make that happen. She deserves it and I love her.
what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know whyI can't keep my eyes off of you
all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know whyI can't keep my eyes off of you
there's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right
you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know whyI can't keep my eyes off of you
you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know whyI can't keep my eyes off of you
what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
-You and Me by Lifehouse
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know whyI can't keep my eyes off of you
all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know whyI can't keep my eyes off of you
there's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right
you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know whyI can't keep my eyes off of you
you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know whyI can't keep my eyes off of you
what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
-You and Me by Lifehouse
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Heather
Heather is one of my first cousins, and she and I grew up really close. We were born 2 1/2 weeks apart, so essentially, we grew up like sisters. Heather is beautiful and so sweet. She's one of those kind of people that are just happy to be here. She's naive, a bit ignorant, and very flighty. She's got big brown eyes and when they look at you, you're not quite sure if she "gets it." Sometimes she lives in a bubble, and you just want to pat her on the head.
Heather's a kindergarten teacher, which is absolutely perfect for her. She has the patience to lead that age group, which at times I'm sure can be challenging. Back over Christmas, she and I were talking about how busy things have been at work. She chimes in with, "I know! Did you know that Cobb County teachers didn't get off for their holiday break until December 23rd?! I just don't know when they had time to get their Christmas shopping done!"
I looked at her and laughed, and probably rolled my eyes a bit. "Heather," I said, "When do you think all of the non-teachers get their Christmas shopping done? I don't get a 'holiday break' unless I take vacation, and I don't get off work at 3pm during the week!"
Sometimes I wish I were more like Heather. And sometimes, like I said, I just want to pat her on the head. Bless her heart.
Heather's a kindergarten teacher, which is absolutely perfect for her. She has the patience to lead that age group, which at times I'm sure can be challenging. Back over Christmas, she and I were talking about how busy things have been at work. She chimes in with, "I know! Did you know that Cobb County teachers didn't get off for their holiday break until December 23rd?! I just don't know when they had time to get their Christmas shopping done!"
I looked at her and laughed, and probably rolled my eyes a bit. "Heather," I said, "When do you think all of the non-teachers get their Christmas shopping done? I don't get a 'holiday break' unless I take vacation, and I don't get off work at 3pm during the week!"
Sometimes I wish I were more like Heather. And sometimes, like I said, I just want to pat her on the head. Bless her heart.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
That's When I Knew
At the Beginning
Justin and I met in October of 2002. We had a fast and furious start to our relationship. I came home from our first date, and I was a smitten kitten, to say the very least. We talked on the phone every day, sometimes many more than once, and saw each other on a regular basis right from the start.
At the Six Week Mark
By the six week mark, I was traveling out of state with him to meet family for Thanksgiving and exchanging "I Love Yous". In fact, he was the first man I'd ever exchanged that phrase with. I'm not the kind of girl that falls in love with every guy I date, in fact, quite the opposite. Love, for me has to grow. At least that's how it had always been... before Justin. But Justin, for whatever reason, he was just different. And for the first time ever, I was SO in love.
At the Six Month Mark
Things were obviously growing pretty serious between us, and the subject of marriage had even been broached, although we were both pretty new to this relationship. I was so completely in love, so completely vulnerable to him, and yet, there was still something there that wasn't quite right. So I prayed. I prayed that God would give me an answer on if it was His intent that Justin was the one I'd spend my life with. I was so in love with Justin, I ignored God's answer to me.
That's when I knew.
At the One Year Mark
Justin had been working with his family on the failing family business, not drawing a paycheck, and not looking for another job for well over 8 months. He was absolutely broke, behind on bills, creditors calling. He was very unwilling to even get a part time job, feeling that was beneath him. I was so intoxicated that he was the one for me, that I ignored his actions. I don't think on the surface I was aware at the time, but subconsciously
That's when I knew.
At Christmas 2003
By Christmas, Justin had finally gotten a full time job and was drawing a paycheck, trying to get back on track after his long time struggle helping the family business and then searching for a job. I was excited at the prospect that he and I could move forward together and build toward our future. He handed me a small, wrapped, jewelry shaped box, and I stopped breathing for a second. Could this be it? My heart racing, I opened it up to find a Tahitian pearl necklace. It wasn't really my taste, but I was appreciative for the thoughtfulness regardless. It was the most he'd ever been able to do for me throughout our entire relationship in terms of a gift, so it meant a lot - until I realized that his best friend's wife had gotten the same necklace. Not by coincidence, but by choice. He and his best friend went shopping together and got some deal for buying two of the exact same necklaces. The necklace was her taste to a "T." Somehow, it didn't make the gift as special, knowing he didn't pick it out for me, rather "tagged along" on a purchase for someone else.
That's when I knew.
Valentine's Day 2004
I bought my house in December 2003, and it was a real fixer-upper. I'd spent months with family, friends, and Justin doing renovations, gutting it completely and starting from scratch before I'd move in. It was exhaustive work, almost as if it were a second job. Valentine's Day happen to fall on a Saturday, and we met up with my parents at my new house for a day of hard work before any Valentine's Day plans would be realized. However, there really weren't any Valentine's Day plans planned, I soon learned as the evening hour neared. Regardless, we agreed to go home to our respective houses to change for the evening, and he'd try to find reservations somewhere for us to have dinner. At 6pm on a Valentine Day Saturday, the chances of reservations were slim. However, he pulled something off and we were on our way to nice but not well known restaurant. After dinner, sitting in his car, I gave him the Valentine gift I'd purchased for him, along with "just the right card" I'd found after pouring over all of them at the card shop. He didn't have card or gift for me in return.
That's when I knew.
March 15, 2004
After making it through Valentine's Day and my birthday, I can only assume that he felt enough time had passed after both to finally end our relationship without coming across as an asshole. He couldn't have been more wrong about that, but that's beside the point. That Monday evening, on our usual call before bed, he broke up with me over the phone. I have never been in so much emotional pain and absolute heartache as I was that night, as well as the weeks and months to follow. But during my reflection in dealing with the pain,
That's when I knew.
That's when I knew that the one for me will be blessed by God. The one for me will be willing to make sacrifices for us, and eventually his family, even at the expense of his own pride. The one for me will realize I am special and will make me feel one of a kind. The one for me will be excited to show his love as a priority instead of an afterthought.
That's when I knew he wasn't the one for me. I just wish I hadn't ignored it for so long.
Justin and I met in October of 2002. We had a fast and furious start to our relationship. I came home from our first date, and I was a smitten kitten, to say the very least. We talked on the phone every day, sometimes many more than once, and saw each other on a regular basis right from the start.
At the Six Week Mark
By the six week mark, I was traveling out of state with him to meet family for Thanksgiving and exchanging "I Love Yous". In fact, he was the first man I'd ever exchanged that phrase with. I'm not the kind of girl that falls in love with every guy I date, in fact, quite the opposite. Love, for me has to grow. At least that's how it had always been... before Justin. But Justin, for whatever reason, he was just different. And for the first time ever, I was SO in love.
At the Six Month Mark
Things were obviously growing pretty serious between us, and the subject of marriage had even been broached, although we were both pretty new to this relationship. I was so completely in love, so completely vulnerable to him, and yet, there was still something there that wasn't quite right. So I prayed. I prayed that God would give me an answer on if it was His intent that Justin was the one I'd spend my life with. I was so in love with Justin, I ignored God's answer to me.
That's when I knew.
At the One Year Mark
Justin had been working with his family on the failing family business, not drawing a paycheck, and not looking for another job for well over 8 months. He was absolutely broke, behind on bills, creditors calling. He was very unwilling to even get a part time job, feeling that was beneath him. I was so intoxicated that he was the one for me, that I ignored his actions. I don't think on the surface I was aware at the time, but subconsciously
That's when I knew.
At Christmas 2003
By Christmas, Justin had finally gotten a full time job and was drawing a paycheck, trying to get back on track after his long time struggle helping the family business and then searching for a job. I was excited at the prospect that he and I could move forward together and build toward our future. He handed me a small, wrapped, jewelry shaped box, and I stopped breathing for a second. Could this be it? My heart racing, I opened it up to find a Tahitian pearl necklace. It wasn't really my taste, but I was appreciative for the thoughtfulness regardless. It was the most he'd ever been able to do for me throughout our entire relationship in terms of a gift, so it meant a lot - until I realized that his best friend's wife had gotten the same necklace. Not by coincidence, but by choice. He and his best friend went shopping together and got some deal for buying two of the exact same necklaces. The necklace was her taste to a "T." Somehow, it didn't make the gift as special, knowing he didn't pick it out for me, rather "tagged along" on a purchase for someone else.
That's when I knew.
Valentine's Day 2004
I bought my house in December 2003, and it was a real fixer-upper. I'd spent months with family, friends, and Justin doing renovations, gutting it completely and starting from scratch before I'd move in. It was exhaustive work, almost as if it were a second job. Valentine's Day happen to fall on a Saturday, and we met up with my parents at my new house for a day of hard work before any Valentine's Day plans would be realized. However, there really weren't any Valentine's Day plans planned, I soon learned as the evening hour neared. Regardless, we agreed to go home to our respective houses to change for the evening, and he'd try to find reservations somewhere for us to have dinner. At 6pm on a Valentine Day Saturday, the chances of reservations were slim. However, he pulled something off and we were on our way to nice but not well known restaurant. After dinner, sitting in his car, I gave him the Valentine gift I'd purchased for him, along with "just the right card" I'd found after pouring over all of them at the card shop. He didn't have card or gift for me in return.
That's when I knew.
March 15, 2004
After making it through Valentine's Day and my birthday, I can only assume that he felt enough time had passed after both to finally end our relationship without coming across as an asshole. He couldn't have been more wrong about that, but that's beside the point. That Monday evening, on our usual call before bed, he broke up with me over the phone. I have never been in so much emotional pain and absolute heartache as I was that night, as well as the weeks and months to follow. But during my reflection in dealing with the pain,
That's when I knew.
That's when I knew that the one for me will be blessed by God. The one for me will be willing to make sacrifices for us, and eventually his family, even at the expense of his own pride. The one for me will realize I am special and will make me feel one of a kind. The one for me will be excited to show his love as a priority instead of an afterthought.
That's when I knew he wasn't the one for me. I just wish I hadn't ignored it for so long.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Urgent Urgent Urgent Urgent...Emergency
Is it too much to ask that when the mail room at my company receives an overnight mail package for me, or anyone for that matter, that it gets delivered the same day it arrives? I mean, people and/or companies are spending extra money sending packages overnight with the intent that the person receives them the next day for a reason, right? Are my expectations on this just too high?
Apparently they are.
I was expecting a package that I know was delivered at 9am Friday morning. At 4:30pm, I still hadn’t received it. So, I called down to receiving and their answer for me not receiving it yet?
“Well, we had a lot of packages come in today, so we’ll just have to finish delivering them on Monday.”
Monday!? Not. Acceptable. Man, I’d love their jobs where timelines apparently don’t matter and you can get around to doing your work when you feel like it.
“Sorry Mr. VP, I didn’t get your presentation done today as requested because I had a lot of other work to do. I realize you need it to present tomorrow, but I’ll just have to get it to you next week instead...”
Apparently they are.
I was expecting a package that I know was delivered at 9am Friday morning. At 4:30pm, I still hadn’t received it. So, I called down to receiving and their answer for me not receiving it yet?
“Well, we had a lot of packages come in today, so we’ll just have to finish delivering them on Monday.”
Monday!? Not. Acceptable. Man, I’d love their jobs where timelines apparently don’t matter and you can get around to doing your work when you feel like it.
“Sorry Mr. VP, I didn’t get your presentation done today as requested because I had a lot of other work to do. I realize you need it to present tomorrow, but I’ll just have to get it to you next week instead...”
Valentine
Isn't there a song about love the one you're with?
Well, c'mere Darby...
Happy happy everyone.
At least my ring came today! Perfect timing for a round of Happy Valentine's Day to me from me!!
Well, c'mere Darby...
Happy happy everyone.
At least my ring came today! Perfect timing for a round of Happy Valentine's Day to me from me!!
Monday, February 13, 2006
But Blog, I'm Sorry
Dear Blog,
I know that I'm 4 days late in wishing you a Happy One-Year Anniversary. I realize now that that's why you've been so standoffish with me - not showing my blog counter and giving me a hard time inserting pictures. I'm sorry. It's just that EVERY day feels like the first day I typed you, so it's hard for me to single out one day as any more special than any other...
Thanks for making this year so write. You're just my type.
Yours truly,
Kara
(how'd I do?)
I know that I'm 4 days late in wishing you a Happy One-Year Anniversary. I realize now that that's why you've been so standoffish with me - not showing my blog counter and giving me a hard time inserting pictures. I'm sorry. It's just that EVERY day feels like the first day I typed you, so it's hard for me to single out one day as any more special than any other...
Thanks for making this year so write. You're just my type.
Yours truly,
Kara
(how'd I do?)
Saturday, February 11, 2006
"Talkin' 'bout your troubles it's a cryin' sin"
Ever feel like life's passing you by and you don't know how to jump on and you don't know how to make it stop and you don't have anyone holding out a hand to help you up?
"CaTcH a PaInTeD pOnY oN tHe SpInNiNg WhEeL rIdE"
Well that's how I feel. It's whirling all around, all kinds of activity, and yet I can only watch. And wish.
Something. Something's just not right. Somehow I'm super busy, working my way up the corporate ladder, not out of pure ambition (although ambition certainly plays a part) but mostly out of boredom. For some reason, I still manage to have absolutely nothing to talk about or to show for it.
Maybe it's just that I'm on the wrong ride.
"Oh, Heather, you and Thomas are thinking of trying for a baby this Spring? How wonderful! Have you started taking the pre-natal vitamins? I took them at night so I didn't get nauseated..."
"So, how are the wedding plans coming? Ohh, I bet it'll just be BEAUTIFUL. We're all so excited to come. It's the 15 day countdown, what all do you have left on your list to do..."
"Stephanie, expecting again! What great news! What do you think it'll be this time? Another girl? It's so funny how Josh knew before you did. Yes, we'll be praying for a healthy pregnancy..."
"And Kara...uhhh....so, how's [insert company name here]? Oh yeah? That's good. Wow, a promotion, huh? Good.....good. Um, need something else to drink?"
"CaTcH a PaInTeD pOnY oN tHe SpInNiNg WhEeL rIdE"
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
'Office Space' at it's Prime, Mate
Ok, ok, when I'm wrong, I'll admit it. Perhaps there were a few cute commercials during the game. Some of these would have to be the Career Builder commercials . Oh, I can SO relate to these, especially the one called "I understand"...
Monday, February 06, 2006
Super Bore 40
Top 5 Reasons the Super Bowl Flopped
1) I would have rather heard a cat in heat crying all night than suffer through Aaron Neville singing the National Anthem.
2) The game was fixed. Hope Vegas paid out big.
3) Halftime Show sucked. I mean, really. No surprise guest singers? No dancers? No music that's been produced in the past, oh, 30 years? Instead we get a walking corpse with trouble saying his "r"s - "You make a gwown man cwy".
4) You'd think that you could at least count on the commercials for entertainment if the pre-game, game, and halftime show are sucking wind. But, no.
5) MVP Hines Ward. Should've been Shawn Alexander.
The *only* decent thing about the Steelers winning was a Super Bowl ring for former Bama player, Deshea Townsend. He played while I was in school, too, but I don't have the same kind of loyalty to Deshea as I do to Shawn.
1) I would have rather heard a cat in heat crying all night than suffer through Aaron Neville singing the National Anthem.
2) The game was fixed. Hope Vegas paid out big.
3) Halftime Show sucked. I mean, really. No surprise guest singers? No dancers? No music that's been produced in the past, oh, 30 years? Instead we get a walking corpse with trouble saying his "r"s - "You make a gwown man cwy".
4) You'd think that you could at least count on the commercials for entertainment if the pre-game, game, and halftime show are sucking wind. But, no.
5) MVP Hines Ward. Should've been Shawn Alexander.
The *only* decent thing about the Steelers winning was a Super Bowl ring for former Bama player, Deshea Townsend. He played while I was in school, too, but I don't have the same kind of loyalty to Deshea as I do to Shawn.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Super Bowl XL
Typically, I'm not a fan of the NFL. I love football, so I watch NFL on occasion, but I certainly don't follow it like I follow Alabama football, and I don't have a favorite team (although, by default, I kinda like the Falcons). However, I do have an affinity for players, especially those that went to Alabama, such as Shawn Alexander.
Shawn played for Alabama while I was in school there. I was in Baton Rouge, LA at the Bama vs. LSU game where he ran for over 300 yards (kicking LSU's butt, by the way, David). Even though I don't know him personally, I feel a certain bond with him. I think that not only is he a great football player, but a good person, too. And of course, I want to see former Bama players succeed. So, for this Super Bowl, I'm going to have to go with the Seattle Seahawks. Go Shawn!
Now, let's reflect for a minute on SuperBowl XXVIII. Why, Kara, you ask? Well, so I can share something with you that not very many know...
Ahh, who couldn't forget that Sunday, January 30, 1994, at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, where the Cowboys took on the Bills resulting in a 30-13 victory (Really, I could. I didn't pay too much attention back then, so I had to do a little research). Emmitt Smith won MVP of the game (and, I assumed, went to Disneyworld), Natalie Cole performed the National Anthem (beautifully, I'm sure), the former Univ. of Alabama great, Joe Namath, did the coin toss (love him! Roll Tide!), but outside of all of that, the most important memory from that day definitely had to be the...
Halftime show
"The halftime show was titled "Rockin' Country Sunday" and featured [high school dance participant, Kara (I'm not lying), along with] country music stars Clint Black, Tanya Tucker, Travis Tritt, and Wynonna Judd. The show's finale included a special appearance by Naomi Judd who joined Wynonna in performing The Judds' single "Love Can Build a Bridge", to which everyone eventually joined in.
This was the first Super Bowl halftime show in which the main stadium lights were turned off for the performance. The show included dancers [me] with yard-long light sticks."
Yes, it's true. I've been in a Super Bowl halftime show. I was 17 and a junior in high school. The halftime show company solicited all major Atlanta high schools for participants in the show, and about 20 girls from my high school participated. We practiced VERY long hours after school with other girls from local high schools during the month of January leading up to the big event. Saturday before, we had a dress rehearsal with the celebrities and got them to sign autographs, which was very cool.
I was part of the group that came out for Wynonna Judd's song, "No One Else on Earth", which entailed hiding under the stage until our turn to perform. We had these long light sticks that we used as props, mine lit up pink. After her song, we hid back under the stage until the finale, which was The Judds song, "Love Can Build a Bridge". The lights went out in the stadium, and the crowd were given flashlights, so they were part of the show, too. They all swayed back and forth to the song while those of us on the field waved our light sticks side to side. Local choirs came out on the stage at the end with flashlights and sang backup to the stars. It was all in all, pretty impactful. And a great experience to remember and tell others I was apart of.
The only bad side? We were shuffled in before the performance, and shuffled out afterwards, so I can't say that I've actually ever watched a Super Bowl game in person.
So...
I bought it. Can't wait for it to arrive! It's a Valentine's Day/early birthday gift for myself.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
And Now It's Time for a Mad Libs Football Broadcast
Thanks to all that participated! I'll do each of yours separately with your answers in purple. May the real Super Bowl this Sunday be MUCH more entertaining than this! I'd ask you to vote for your favorite, but really, they'll all pretty bad.
This broadcast brought to you by Tiffany:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Dogs and the Pittsburgh Trees. The center has just snapped the nut back to the Seattle star halfback, Hugh Jackman, who is running around his own left floor. There he's tackled hard around the back. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and 13 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Joaquin Phoenix, who fades back and throws a long, dark pass which is caught by Billy Idol, who is Pittsburgh's heart-shaped quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the mountain for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - purse line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for rolling.
This broadcast brought to you by Jeopardygirl:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Giraffes and the Pittsburgh Friends. The center has just snapped the book back to the Seattle star halfback, Orlando Bloom, who is running around his own left compact disc. There he's tackled hard around the elbow. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and 12 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Demi Moore, who fades back and throws a long, round pass which is caught by Sir Ian McKellen, who is Pittsburgh's windblown quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the marker for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - photograph line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for waiting.
This broadcast brought to you by Yorkshire Pudding:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Wilderbeast and the Pittsburgh Islands. The center has just snapped the corkscrew back to the Seattle star halfback, Chris Martin, who is running around his own left tree. There he's tackled hard around the penis. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and one million to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Oprah Winfrey, who fades back and throws a long, enormous pass which is caught by Popeye the Sailorman, who is Pittsburgh's greedy quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the car for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - ocean line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for seeing.
This broadcast brought to you by Diane Mandy:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Pygmee Goats and the Pittsburgh Pens. The center has just snapped the edict back to the Seattle star halfback, John Stewart, who is running around his own left joker. There he's tackled hard around the spine. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and 7 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Matt Damon, who fades back and throws a long, bootylicious pass which is caught by David Letterman, who is Pittsburgh's pensive quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the judge for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - pigeon line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for harassing.
This broadcast brought to you by Tiffany:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Dogs and the Pittsburgh Trees. The center has just snapped the nut back to the Seattle star halfback, Hugh Jackman, who is running around his own left floor. There he's tackled hard around the back. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and 13 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Joaquin Phoenix, who fades back and throws a long, dark pass which is caught by Billy Idol, who is Pittsburgh's heart-shaped quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the mountain for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - purse line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for rolling.
This broadcast brought to you by Jeopardygirl:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Giraffes and the Pittsburgh Friends. The center has just snapped the book back to the Seattle star halfback, Orlando Bloom, who is running around his own left compact disc. There he's tackled hard around the elbow. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and 12 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Demi Moore, who fades back and throws a long, round pass which is caught by Sir Ian McKellen, who is Pittsburgh's windblown quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the marker for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - photograph line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for waiting.
This broadcast brought to you by Yorkshire Pudding:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Wilderbeast and the Pittsburgh Islands. The center has just snapped the corkscrew back to the Seattle star halfback, Chris Martin, who is running around his own left tree. There he's tackled hard around the penis. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and one million to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Oprah Winfrey, who fades back and throws a long, enormous pass which is caught by Popeye the Sailorman, who is Pittsburgh's greedy quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the car for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - ocean line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for seeing.
This broadcast brought to you by Diane Mandy:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Seattle Pygmee Goats and the Pittsburgh Pens. The center has just snapped the edict back to the Seattle star halfback, John Stewart, who is running around his own left joker. There he's tackled hard around the spine. Now it's Pittsburgh's ball and 7 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Matt Damon, who fades back and throws a long, bootylicious pass which is caught by David Letterman, who is Pittsburgh's pensive quarterback. He's in the clear, and he races over the judge for a touchdown. No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 - pigeon line. He's going to penalize Pittsburgh for harassing.
Monday, January 30, 2006
In Honor of the Super Bowl
This is an interactive event, and I need the following from you, please. You can leave them in the Comments Lounge area located just South of here. The success or failure of my next post depends on you. No pressure. Thank you.
1) Animal (plural)
2) Plural Noun
3) Noun
4) Celebrity Male
5) Noun
6) Part of the Body
7) Number
8) Another Celebrity
9) Adjective
10) Another Celebrity (male)
11) Adjective
12) Noun
13) Noun
14) Verb Ending in "ing"
1) Animal (plural)
2) Plural Noun
3) Noun
4) Celebrity Male
5) Noun
6) Part of the Body
7) Number
8) Another Celebrity
9) Adjective
10) Another Celebrity (male)
11) Adjective
12) Noun
13) Noun
14) Verb Ending in "ing"
Dating Criteria
My friend and I went to lunch today and over our Panera ceasar salads, we were discussing men. We came up with the three basic criteria that we feel women typically look for in men when considering them for a long-term relationship, and they are as follows:
1) Personality
2) Looks
3) Career/Financial Stability
Now, once we established the criteria, we realized that most often, girls won't get a guy that is a perfect three out of three. However, we determined that if a girl could get the right combination of either a solid two out of three, or even perhaps a 3/4 in 2 areas and a 1/2 in the third, then that would be acceptable. Here are a few combinations that we felt would be make or break:
Personality + Career/Financial Stability = Make with low-risk
We felt like personality was the most important because a lot of times, if a guy has a great personality, girls will eventually find him attractive if he's only average looking or not at all attractive at first. Looks actually fall by the wayside if a guy has a solid personality and has a great career/is financially stable. However, if the guy is extremely lacking in the looks category, you do run the risk of having ugly kids.
Looks + Career/Financial Stability = Break
If a guy is extremely good-looking and has a great career but is an absolute bore or dud to be around, then girls may use him as eye-candy and a meal for a while, but will quickly grow tired of him and he won't be in the consideration set for a long term relationship.
Personality + Looks = Make with high-risk
A guy with solid personality and solid looks will typically work out long term. The only concern may be financial stress on the relationship if can't hold down a job or pay his bills.
Personality + Looks + Career/Financial Stability = Make
The ideal. As far as we can tell, these men are either extinct or on the endangered list. Obviously, this would be the ultimate equation for a committed, serious relationship.
Once we agreed to what combination of criteria we thought women could be happy with, we then moved on to take a stab at what men's criteria would be. We determined that if men had criteria, it might be these three (we're talking for a long-term relationship, not a one-night fling):
1) Looks
2) Looks. (Ha! Just kidding) Personality
3) Looks. (ok, ok, I'll stop) Convenience/Ease (meaning you guys are lazy creatures so you like women that are geographically convenient, are low-maintenance, easy to get along with, and don't come with a lot of drama)
These are what we came up with as a best guess as to the top 3 things that men look for, anyway. Any of y'all have anything different?
1) Personality
2) Looks
3) Career/Financial Stability
Now, once we established the criteria, we realized that most often, girls won't get a guy that is a perfect three out of three. However, we determined that if a girl could get the right combination of either a solid two out of three, or even perhaps a 3/4 in 2 areas and a 1/2 in the third, then that would be acceptable. Here are a few combinations that we felt would be make or break:
Personality + Career/Financial Stability = Make with low-risk
We felt like personality was the most important because a lot of times, if a guy has a great personality, girls will eventually find him attractive if he's only average looking or not at all attractive at first. Looks actually fall by the wayside if a guy has a solid personality and has a great career/is financially stable. However, if the guy is extremely lacking in the looks category, you do run the risk of having ugly kids.
Looks + Career/Financial Stability = Break
If a guy is extremely good-looking and has a great career but is an absolute bore or dud to be around, then girls may use him as eye-candy and a meal for a while, but will quickly grow tired of him and he won't be in the consideration set for a long term relationship.
Personality + Looks = Make with high-risk
A guy with solid personality and solid looks will typically work out long term. The only concern may be financial stress on the relationship if can't hold down a job or pay his bills.
Personality + Looks + Career/Financial Stability = Make
The ideal. As far as we can tell, these men are either extinct or on the endangered list. Obviously, this would be the ultimate equation for a committed, serious relationship.
Once we agreed to what combination of criteria we thought women could be happy with, we then moved on to take a stab at what men's criteria would be. We determined that if men had criteria, it might be these three (we're talking for a long-term relationship, not a one-night fling):
1) Looks
2) Looks. (Ha! Just kidding) Personality
3) Looks. (ok, ok, I'll stop) Convenience/Ease (meaning you guys are lazy creatures so you like women that are geographically convenient, are low-maintenance, easy to get along with, and don't come with a lot of drama)
These are what we came up with as a best guess as to the top 3 things that men look for, anyway. Any of y'all have anything different?
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Learn to Pretend
Guess I wasn’t the best one to ask
Me myself with my face pressed
Up against love’s glass
To see the shiny toy
I’ve been hoping for
The one I never could afford
The wide world spins and spits turmoil
And the nations toil for peace
But the paws of fear upon your chest
Only love can soothe that beast
And my words are paper tigers
No match for the predators of pain inside her
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there’s now one there will be two
I was born under the sign of cancer(love will come to you)
Like brushing cloth I smooth the wrinkles for an answer(love will come)
I’m always closing my eyes and wishing I’m fine(I close my eyes and wish you fine)
Even though I know I’m not this time(even though I know your not this time)
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there’s now one there will be two
Dodging your memories a field of knives
Always on the outside looking in on other’s lives
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through(I have offered up to you)
Where there’s now one there will be two
And I wish her insight to battle love’s blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that scattered
Learn to pretend there’s more than love that matters
~"Love Will Come to You" by the Indigo Girls
Me myself with my face pressed
Up against love’s glass
To see the shiny toy
I’ve been hoping for
The one I never could afford
The wide world spins and spits turmoil
And the nations toil for peace
But the paws of fear upon your chest
Only love can soothe that beast
And my words are paper tigers
No match for the predators of pain inside her
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there’s now one there will be two
I was born under the sign of cancer(love will come to you)
Like brushing cloth I smooth the wrinkles for an answer(love will come)
I’m always closing my eyes and wishing I’m fine(I close my eyes and wish you fine)
Even though I know I’m not this time(even though I know your not this time)
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there’s now one there will be two
Dodging your memories a field of knives
Always on the outside looking in on other’s lives
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through(I have offered up to you)
Where there’s now one there will be two
And I wish her insight to battle love’s blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that scattered
Learn to pretend there’s more than love that matters
~"Love Will Come to You" by the Indigo Girls
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