That's When I Knew

At the Beginning
Justin and I met in October of 2002. We had a fast and furious start to our relationship. I came home from our first date, and I was a smitten kitten, to say the very least. We talked on the phone every day, sometimes many more than once, and saw each other on a regular basis right from the start.

At the Six Week Mark
By the six week mark, I was traveling out of state with him to meet family for Thanksgiving and exchanging "I Love Yous". In fact, he was the first man I'd ever exchanged that phrase with. I'm not the kind of girl that falls in love with every guy I date, in fact, quite the opposite. Love, for me has to grow. At least that's how it had always been... before Justin. But Justin, for whatever reason, he was just different. And for the first time ever, I was SO in love.

At the Six Month Mark
Things were obviously growing pretty serious between us, and the subject of marriage had even been broached, although we were both pretty new to this relationship. I was so completely in love, so completely vulnerable to him, and yet, there was still something there that wasn't quite right. So I prayed. I prayed that God would give me an answer on if it was His intent that Justin was the one I'd spend my life with. I was so in love with Justin, I ignored God's answer to me.

That's when I knew.

At the One Year Mark
Justin had been working with his family on the failing family business, not drawing a paycheck, and not looking for another job for well over 8 months. He was absolutely broke, behind on bills, creditors calling. He was very unwilling to even get a part time job, feeling that was beneath him. I was so intoxicated that he was the one for me, that I ignored his actions. I don't think on the surface I was aware at the time, but subconsciously

That's when I knew.

At Christmas 2003
By Christmas, Justin had finally gotten a full time job and was drawing a paycheck, trying to get back on track after his long time struggle helping the family business and then searching for a job. I was excited at the prospect that he and I could move forward together and build toward our future. He handed me a small, wrapped, jewelry shaped box, and I stopped breathing for a second. Could this be it? My heart racing, I opened it up to find a Tahitian pearl necklace. It wasn't really my taste, but I was appreciative for the thoughtfulness regardless. It was the most he'd ever been able to do for me throughout our entire relationship in terms of a gift, so it meant a lot - until I realized that his best friend's wife had gotten the same necklace. Not by coincidence, but by choice. He and his best friend went shopping together and got some deal for buying two of the exact same necklaces. The necklace was her taste to a "T." Somehow, it didn't make the gift as special, knowing he didn't pick it out for me, rather "tagged along" on a purchase for someone else.

That's when I knew.

Valentine's Day 2004
I bought my house in December 2003, and it was a real fixer-upper. I'd spent months with family, friends, and Justin doing renovations, gutting it completely and starting from scratch before I'd move in. It was exhaustive work, almost as if it were a second job. Valentine's Day happen to fall on a Saturday, and we met up with my parents at my new house for a day of hard work before any Valentine's Day plans would be realized. However, there really weren't any Valentine's Day plans planned, I soon learned as the evening hour neared. Regardless, we agreed to go home to our respective houses to change for the evening, and he'd try to find reservations somewhere for us to have dinner. At 6pm on a Valentine Day Saturday, the chances of reservations were slim. However, he pulled something off and we were on our way to nice but not well known restaurant. After dinner, sitting in his car, I gave him the Valentine gift I'd purchased for him, along with "just the right card" I'd found after pouring over all of them at the card shop. He didn't have card or gift for me in return.

That's when I knew.

March 15, 2004
After making it through Valentine's Day and my birthday, I can only assume that he felt enough time had passed after both to finally end our relationship without coming across as an asshole. He couldn't have been more wrong about that, but that's beside the point. That Monday evening, on our usual call before bed, he broke up with me over the phone. I have never been in so much emotional pain and absolute heartache as I was that night, as well as the weeks and months to follow. But during my reflection in dealing with the pain,

That's when I knew.

That's when I knew that the one for me will be blessed by God. The one for me will be willing to make sacrifices for us, and eventually his family, even at the expense of his own pride. The one for me will realize I am special and will make me feel one of a kind. The one for me will be excited to show his love as a priority instead of an afterthought.

That's when I knew he wasn't the one for me. I just wish I hadn't ignored it for so long.