Idiots!

I'm about to go off on a slight rant or three. I just got home from work, so I'm entitled.

Rant #1
I work with a bunch of idiots. I mean, idiots. The shame of it is that for the most part, they are talented, even smart people, they just don't THINK. I think I'm the only one that uses the grey matter in my head. C'mon people, it's not rocket science, it's advertising! We're not trying to save the world, but we ARE trying to get customers into the stores. Let's try and think like that. THINK! I could strangle them all after today. Just as a hypothetical example: here's a strategy brief - the ad must be yellow no matter what. And what do I get back today for a proof? A blue ad. And why do I get back a blue ad? Because it's "pretty." Yeah, but it doesn't meet the strategy now, does it? Oh, you didn't even bother to read the strategy. Huh, wonder why I even bothered to put together a strategy brief? Maybe because I needed you guys to produce a YELLOW ad??? Figures. Geez...

Rant #2
I can't stand people that are afraid to drive their cars. Oh, you know these people. The ones that do 5 miles below the speed limit on the interstate. They use their blinker to change lanes for 10 minutes before actually attempting to slowly drift their car over into a completely empty lane. The ones that ride their brakes for miles because someone 6 miles away tapped their brakes for 2 seconds. The ones that sit rigidly upright in their seat, white nuckles clinching the wheel, and won't budge when merging traffic tries to enter the lane, OR they practically come to a stop to let a car on the interstate not realizing that it's the other car's job to merge into the flow of traffic, not their job to stop completely to let them in. Just DRIVE dammit! If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you're the one I can't stand. Get off the road.

Rant #3
Mark my words, I, Kara, will never date a man named Ryan ever again. They are all the same. I've dated two Ryan's in my lifetime, both were 5 and 10 years ago respectively, but I've come to find that they are all the same guy. My good friend has a guy named Ryan interested in her, and he's the same kind of Ryan as the 2 that I've dated in my past, and I.can't.stand.that.guy. It's the kind of guy that's so sickeningly-syrupy sweet that you want to roll your eyes and gag. He's sending her emails that say things like, "on the 7th day when God created light, he must've created your smile. You light up a room everywhere you go, and your charm is left behind of a precious token of your essence when you leave...blah blah blah". Don't get me wrong, I can be just as romantic as the next girl, but puh-leese. I actually broke up with the former Ryan's that I've dated for being "too sweet." I just couldn't stand sitting on that pedestal.

Whew. I'm feeling better, either because I've gotten all of this off my chest, or the pinot noir is kicking in.

Didja Miss Me? Been Busy. You Know - Poker Queen and Movie Star

Hey kids (rock and roll, rock on...)!

Didja miss me? I've been super busy and haven't had time to write or read, but finally got a chance tonight. I've had a million things to write about, but with so much time passing between events, I've just about forgotten everything I wanted to document. Hmmm, let's see....

Well, ever since I got back from Vegas, I've been playing Texas Hold'em every Monday night. (you know, where the crazy guy plays too) I've gotten pretty good, I must say. Last night was the final tourney for this quarter, and I came in 8th overall. Not too bad for a fairly new player. I won a fancy beer tshirt. Yep, jealous aren't you? Ok, so maybe I'm not a poker queen, but I'm working on it.

Also, weekend before last, I was a movie star. Ok, so maybe my definition of movie star is slightly askew from that of, say, Julia Roberts, but whatever. We're both from Georgia. But seriously, Matthew McConaughey (yes, he's on my top 5 list) and Matthew Fox (could there be a more perfect pair of hotties?) are in town filming a movie coming out this fall called We Are Marshall (the two Matthews play the Marshall University coaches). I'm not sure how a movie could be any more perfect for me: two HOT Matthews, one of which broke up with Penelope Cruz just before my debut, and the movie is about FOOTBALL! Anyway, I was a very famous movie extra sitting in the stands as the all important "crowd-member #248". Did you know that most crowd scenes are filled with blow up dummies? Yeah, they just intersperse real people amongst the dummies for movement effect. Well anyway, I was sitting between dummy #247 and dummy #249 right about halfway up the bleachers on the 45 yard line. Look for me when the movie's out. I'll be on the red carpet at the movie premier, and I can sign an autograph, too, if you'd like. I'm still down to earth with "the little people" (that'd be all of you non-movie stars out there). But since we're all such close friends, I'm going to hook you up with exclusive footage of the movie, and the hotties, before the movie even comes out. I'm sure People or US Weekly will be dying to pay me for my photos.

Let Me Treat You To Taco Bell

I'm sure you've all seen it in one form or fashion - the commercial of the girl paying for the guy's dry-cleaning, or the guy that pays the toll for the guy behind him. Well, I did it too. I was feeling generous, spry if you will, so when I was in the drive-thru at Taco Bell last night, I paid for the food that the guy behind me ordered and then I just drove off. Yep. Didn't do it because I thought he was cute, I did it out of the kindness of my heart. Felt like making his night. Gave him a story he'd talk about for weeks. Cliche these days? Maybe. But it was fun. You should try it - just make sure I'm behind you when you do so I get paid back for my good deed.

If You're a "Crazy" I'm Sure You'll Find Me

So I know you've all heard me complain before about being a freak magnet. Here's more evidence to back up my claim:

Monday nights have been poker nights lately. It all started after my trip to Vegas, and now I'm playing Texas Hold'em every Monday at a local bar. Usually the same crowd shows up: Ed, who's about 65 but looks 95; John, who's 21, Asian, and has a mohawk; Stuart, one of my friends who got us started with the poker crowd; Dana, one of my good girl friends that I drink wine and laugh uncontrollably with; Clifford, an older guy with some sort of accent ("he ain't from around here" :-P); Ryan, a late 20s guy that my friend Dana has a crush on (he went to Auburn, bless his heart); Brent, a quiet, painter guy in his 30s; and me, a super hot girl with a fabulous personality, killer smile, innocent eyes, pouty bottom lip, and very large...brain (ok, maybe I embellished about me a little, but if I don't who will?). Anyway, since my friend Dana has this flirty crush on Ryan, and he has a crush on her, of course those two are in cahoots to "hook me up." The only viable option from their viewpoint is Brent. Of course it is...

Brent came this past Monday night with canvas and paints to paint the poker scene. He's talented, and I enjoy painting, so Dana and Ryan made sure that he and I started talking. The more I talked to him, the more he revealed about himself. Turns out that Brent paints as part of his psychiatric "therapy." Yep ladies and gentlemen, he's a crazy. Self-admitted, his words - not mine. During our conversation, here are a few red flags that I discover, immediately ruling him out of any possiblity of being dating potential for me:

1) His paintings mostly deal with what it's like to have a mental illness.
2) He doesn't paint that often because the meds he takes make him sleep a lot.
3) If he didn't take his meds, he'd be "a loose cannon" to quote him.
4) He doesn't work, rather draws disability from the government.
5) He isn't allowed to drive, therefore doesn't own a car and either walks everywhere (to the bar for poker night) or has friends take him where he needs to go.

So I'm talking to Brent and finding out all about his illness and the more I learn, the more I want to run. But I can't, that would be rude. I'm trapped. So I start to strategize in my head when a good time would be for me to back out of the conversation without him knowing I was heading for the hills in retreat mode. I laugh at his joke, but then worry if the laughter came across as genuine. I try to gauge how long I have to continue with the conversation to be polite. I then start to think that if/when I back away, do I have to return before I leave so he doesn't think I'm ignoring him after he told me he was a "crazy". But then I start to second guess that thought. Of course, I wouldn't want him to think I do have an interest in him other then friends, and if I make a stop back by to say good bye before we leave, will he take that the wrong way? All of these decisions are racing through my head, and it's a very fine line to walk when you want to be polite and friendly, but not come across as flirtatious and interested.

Now, please don't get me wrong here. I was a psychology major in college, so that being my field of study, I do have a certain understanding and/or empathy for those with psychological concerns. All of the anonymous people that at this point want to chew me out for my insenstivity to the subject at hand just back off. However, when it comes to my dating life, husband potential and father of my children, a "crazy" IS NOT, and let me repeat to be very clear, IS NOT even on the "to be considered" list, no matter how desperate my single situation should ever become. Which would explain my distinctive glare followed by an eye roll at both Dana and Ryan when they lean over to ask, "so, have we made a love connection?"

"Make it Madras"?

Dear Old Navy,

Saw your new commercial a few times tonight during American Idol and you can call it what you want, but really, at the end of the day, it's "plaid". Nice try though.

Yours in "tartan",
Kara

Let's Dance!

Put on your red shoes and dance the blues (be sure to have volume up)

I've got a million things swirling around my head but can't seem to get any of them organized enough to write. My blog's become very boring.

Hope

Just when I was about to run out of hope completely, a friend comes along and makes me think that it is possible. Hope is restored, and I'm still hanging.

Hi, I'm Sugar Heavenhooter (said with a southern accent) Who Are You?

Follow the instructions to find your new stripper name. C'mon, you know you want to. It's just for fun so stop blushing... Once you have your new name, put it in the comments lounge for everyone to laugh
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice

Wayne Newton, Here I Come!

I'm heading out

with several friends for a few days. First trip there, and I'm SUPER excited! Six of my friends and I got a great, cheap deal to stay at the Monte Carlo, but I have a feeling I won't be spending too much time in my hotel, rather acting like a 19 year old again pulling all-nighters. I'm sure my body will start to protest by Friday morning, and I may very well need a liver transplant when I get back. I'm A positive if anyone would like to donate to a worthy cause upon my return. If I strike it rich, it's been real guys, but I won't be back. If I get married, please let it be by Elvis or Marilyn.

I get back at 5am Sunday morning, so I will try to post once I recover, which will most likely be sometime in the first two weeks of July.

Trouble in Paradise

This guy found my blog after looking up this search:

can+i+trust+my+wife+after+i+catch+her+cheating+
she+said+that+want+to+stay+with+me

Not sure how my blog is linked with that search, but in the event he hasn't found the answer to his question, I'm going to go ahead and answer:

No.

Guess Who's Hanging Around My House This Weekend

I live near an Air Force base and the Blue Angels and friends have been flying over my house all weekend. It sounds like I'm in a war zone, but the visuals are cool! Wish I weren't so busy this weekend so I could stop to watch the show.

You Look Like a Monkey, And You Smell Like One Too

I'm off to my cousin's 4th birthday party today. We all know how much fun I have at these...

I don't even know what 4 year olds want. I usually stalk little kids in the toy section of Target on days like today to do small focus groups. Guess that's just the marketer in me.

Honeysuckle Mornings

The honeysuckles have started to bloom and the whole right side of the fence in my backyard is covered. Yes, I know they're technically a weed, and somewhat unsightly as the bush grows wildly on the railing, intertwining branches reaching out to find the sun's rays. But I have to tell you, there's nothing in my world lately that smells sweeter then the bursting of fragrance I'm greeted with first thing in the mornings when I take Darby out. In that brief moment that I inhale, everything's right in the world.

Who's The Lucky Guy?

I was out running errands yesterday, and one of my stops was the grocery store. I hadn't really taken time that morning to fix up, had no make up on, didn't fix my hair after my shower, and just threw on a tshirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. I was standing in the laundry aisle when a man starting talking to me. He gave me a compliment that put me on cloud 9 all day. He walked over to me and said, "tell your husband he's got a good thing going on." At first I didn't hear what he said (honestly, I didn't), and asked him to repeat. Then he said, "tell your husband, I'm sure a girl like you is married, that he's got a good thing going on. He's a lucky man." I blushed a bit, realized it was a complete line, and responded, "I'm not married" then quickly added "but I'll tell the guy that I am seeing." I didn't want to leave the guy an opportunity to ask me out if he found out I was single. As sweet as his compliment was, he wasn't someone I'd be interested in dating. I typically go for guys with a few more teeth. But still, I was very flattered.

The Reduction

My mom called this evening...crying. My first thought was, oh my goodness, who died? Then I realized they were tears of joy. My mom, who's not a large lady - a mere 5'2 on a petite frame - has a rather large bust. Ok, more than rather large...HUGE. I didn't inherit her petite frame with my 5'7 height, but I do come by my, um, "endowment" honestly. Anyway, her upper body size has been something she's hated, and been self-conscious about, for YEARS. And rightfully so, it was just too much for her frame, creating serious neck and back problems. Recently, she went to see a plastic surgeon about her situation, who in turn wrote a letter to her insurance company indicating a medical necessity for a reduction surgery to be performed. She got her letter from the insurance company today agreeing to pay for her surgery in full! I couldn't be happier for her, as I know it's a huge weight, literally off her chest.

Speaking of Fire

My home computer got fried by lightning...or something. It won't turn on. It's weird because it's plugged into a surge protector that my monitor and printer are plugged into, too, and those are both ok. It's just my hard drive that won't do anything. No sputtering, no lights, no nothing. I guess I'll have to take it into Best Buy to find out what's wrong. It's not even 2 years old yet. Sucks. At least I have my work laptop!

C'mon Baby Light My Fire

Lit the pilot light to my gas water heater all by myself last night. Yep, sure did. Still have my eyebrows, too! Scared? You bet. But when faced with the option of a cold shower in the morning, I made it happen. Took me 45 minutes to figure it out and get up the nerve to stick a fire source into an opening you know is being pumped with natural gas, but I did it. And you know what? I had a hot shower this morning, thank you very much.

Insomnia

It's almost 4am and I haven't slept at all. The worst part is, I'm not even tired, so sleep for me is no where in sight. I had a horribly stressful night, so I'm sure that's the cause. I came home from my Easter weekend staying with my parents to a house full of black flies. I have no idea where they came from; I can only assume the attic since my house has been vacant and closed up since Saturday morning. I have heard squirrels up there, so the only guess I can think of is that the flies have congregated because of something the squirrels have up there. Walking into my home was like a scene out of a sci-fi movie. I'm thoroughly disgusted and have disinfected just about everything in the house. It took me 2 hours to kill the 30+ flies with wasp and hornet poison. And as if the thought of flies in my home isn't bad enough, my dog is deathly afraid of anything that flies, so he was going crazy. I was worried that he'd step in poison and lick it off his paw, so I had to put him in my car parked in the driveway while I went through my house. He's still pretty unsettled, which is probably another reason I can't seem to get any sleep. Work's going to be a blast tomorrow. I'll go check to see what's on tv and let those of you lucky enough to be sound asleep know what comes on at 4am. Probably Cheaters or Blind Date.

Taxes

Just finished doing mine. Who the heck knows how to figure out a cost basis for selling stocks from your ESPP stock plan? Various purchase dates, reinvested dividends, first in first out - I probably didn't do it right, but whatever. Remind me next year to go to H&R Block. Either that or marry a CPA between now and 4/15/07.