Let Me Treat You To Taco Bell

I'm sure you've all seen it in one form or fashion - the commercial of the girl paying for the guy's dry-cleaning, or the guy that pays the toll for the guy behind him. Well, I did it too. I was feeling generous, spry if you will, so when I was in the drive-thru at Taco Bell last night, I paid for the food that the guy behind me ordered and then I just drove off. Yep. Didn't do it because I thought he was cute, I did it out of the kindness of my heart. Felt like making his night. Gave him a story he'd talk about for weeks. Cliche these days? Maybe. But it was fun. You should try it - just make sure I'm behind you when you do so I get paid back for my good deed.

If You're a "Crazy" I'm Sure You'll Find Me

So I know you've all heard me complain before about being a freak magnet. Here's more evidence to back up my claim:

Monday nights have been poker nights lately. It all started after my trip to Vegas, and now I'm playing Texas Hold'em every Monday at a local bar. Usually the same crowd shows up: Ed, who's about 65 but looks 95; John, who's 21, Asian, and has a mohawk; Stuart, one of my friends who got us started with the poker crowd; Dana, one of my good girl friends that I drink wine and laugh uncontrollably with; Clifford, an older guy with some sort of accent ("he ain't from around here" :-P); Ryan, a late 20s guy that my friend Dana has a crush on (he went to Auburn, bless his heart); Brent, a quiet, painter guy in his 30s; and me, a super hot girl with a fabulous personality, killer smile, innocent eyes, pouty bottom lip, and very large...brain (ok, maybe I embellished about me a little, but if I don't who will?). Anyway, since my friend Dana has this flirty crush on Ryan, and he has a crush on her, of course those two are in cahoots to "hook me up." The only viable option from their viewpoint is Brent. Of course it is...

Brent came this past Monday night with canvas and paints to paint the poker scene. He's talented, and I enjoy painting, so Dana and Ryan made sure that he and I started talking. The more I talked to him, the more he revealed about himself. Turns out that Brent paints as part of his psychiatric "therapy." Yep ladies and gentlemen, he's a crazy. Self-admitted, his words - not mine. During our conversation, here are a few red flags that I discover, immediately ruling him out of any possiblity of being dating potential for me:

1) His paintings mostly deal with what it's like to have a mental illness.
2) He doesn't paint that often because the meds he takes make him sleep a lot.
3) If he didn't take his meds, he'd be "a loose cannon" to quote him.
4) He doesn't work, rather draws disability from the government.
5) He isn't allowed to drive, therefore doesn't own a car and either walks everywhere (to the bar for poker night) or has friends take him where he needs to go.

So I'm talking to Brent and finding out all about his illness and the more I learn, the more I want to run. But I can't, that would be rude. I'm trapped. So I start to strategize in my head when a good time would be for me to back out of the conversation without him knowing I was heading for the hills in retreat mode. I laugh at his joke, but then worry if the laughter came across as genuine. I try to gauge how long I have to continue with the conversation to be polite. I then start to think that if/when I back away, do I have to return before I leave so he doesn't think I'm ignoring him after he told me he was a "crazy". But then I start to second guess that thought. Of course, I wouldn't want him to think I do have an interest in him other then friends, and if I make a stop back by to say good bye before we leave, will he take that the wrong way? All of these decisions are racing through my head, and it's a very fine line to walk when you want to be polite and friendly, but not come across as flirtatious and interested.

Now, please don't get me wrong here. I was a psychology major in college, so that being my field of study, I do have a certain understanding and/or empathy for those with psychological concerns. All of the anonymous people that at this point want to chew me out for my insenstivity to the subject at hand just back off. However, when it comes to my dating life, husband potential and father of my children, a "crazy" IS NOT, and let me repeat to be very clear, IS NOT even on the "to be considered" list, no matter how desperate my single situation should ever become. Which would explain my distinctive glare followed by an eye roll at both Dana and Ryan when they lean over to ask, "so, have we made a love connection?"

"Make it Madras"?

Dear Old Navy,

Saw your new commercial a few times tonight during American Idol and you can call it what you want, but really, at the end of the day, it's "plaid". Nice try though.

Yours in "tartan",
Kara

Let's Dance!

Put on your red shoes and dance the blues (be sure to have volume up)

I've got a million things swirling around my head but can't seem to get any of them organized enough to write. My blog's become very boring.

Hope

Just when I was about to run out of hope completely, a friend comes along and makes me think that it is possible. Hope is restored, and I'm still hanging.

Hi, I'm Sugar Heavenhooter (said with a southern accent) Who Are You?

Follow the instructions to find your new stripper name. C'mon, you know you want to. It's just for fun so stop blushing... Once you have your new name, put it in the comments lounge for everyone to laugh
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice

Wayne Newton, Here I Come!

I'm heading out

with several friends for a few days. First trip there, and I'm SUPER excited! Six of my friends and I got a great, cheap deal to stay at the Monte Carlo, but I have a feeling I won't be spending too much time in my hotel, rather acting like a 19 year old again pulling all-nighters. I'm sure my body will start to protest by Friday morning, and I may very well need a liver transplant when I get back. I'm A positive if anyone would like to donate to a worthy cause upon my return. If I strike it rich, it's been real guys, but I won't be back. If I get married, please let it be by Elvis or Marilyn.

I get back at 5am Sunday morning, so I will try to post once I recover, which will most likely be sometime in the first two weeks of July.

Trouble in Paradise

This guy found my blog after looking up this search:

can+i+trust+my+wife+after+i+catch+her+cheating+
she+said+that+want+to+stay+with+me

Not sure how my blog is linked with that search, but in the event he hasn't found the answer to his question, I'm going to go ahead and answer:

No.

Guess Who's Hanging Around My House This Weekend

I live near an Air Force base and the Blue Angels and friends have been flying over my house all weekend. It sounds like I'm in a war zone, but the visuals are cool! Wish I weren't so busy this weekend so I could stop to watch the show.

You Look Like a Monkey, And You Smell Like One Too

I'm off to my cousin's 4th birthday party today. We all know how much fun I have at these...

I don't even know what 4 year olds want. I usually stalk little kids in the toy section of Target on days like today to do small focus groups. Guess that's just the marketer in me.

Honeysuckle Mornings

The honeysuckles have started to bloom and the whole right side of the fence in my backyard is covered. Yes, I know they're technically a weed, and somewhat unsightly as the bush grows wildly on the railing, intertwining branches reaching out to find the sun's rays. But I have to tell you, there's nothing in my world lately that smells sweeter then the bursting of fragrance I'm greeted with first thing in the mornings when I take Darby out. In that brief moment that I inhale, everything's right in the world.

Who's The Lucky Guy?

I was out running errands yesterday, and one of my stops was the grocery store. I hadn't really taken time that morning to fix up, had no make up on, didn't fix my hair after my shower, and just threw on a tshirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. I was standing in the laundry aisle when a man starting talking to me. He gave me a compliment that put me on cloud 9 all day. He walked over to me and said, "tell your husband he's got a good thing going on." At first I didn't hear what he said (honestly, I didn't), and asked him to repeat. Then he said, "tell your husband, I'm sure a girl like you is married, that he's got a good thing going on. He's a lucky man." I blushed a bit, realized it was a complete line, and responded, "I'm not married" then quickly added "but I'll tell the guy that I am seeing." I didn't want to leave the guy an opportunity to ask me out if he found out I was single. As sweet as his compliment was, he wasn't someone I'd be interested in dating. I typically go for guys with a few more teeth. But still, I was very flattered.

The Reduction

My mom called this evening...crying. My first thought was, oh my goodness, who died? Then I realized they were tears of joy. My mom, who's not a large lady - a mere 5'2 on a petite frame - has a rather large bust. Ok, more than rather large...HUGE. I didn't inherit her petite frame with my 5'7 height, but I do come by my, um, "endowment" honestly. Anyway, her upper body size has been something she's hated, and been self-conscious about, for YEARS. And rightfully so, it was just too much for her frame, creating serious neck and back problems. Recently, she went to see a plastic surgeon about her situation, who in turn wrote a letter to her insurance company indicating a medical necessity for a reduction surgery to be performed. She got her letter from the insurance company today agreeing to pay for her surgery in full! I couldn't be happier for her, as I know it's a huge weight, literally off her chest.

Speaking of Fire

My home computer got fried by lightning...or something. It won't turn on. It's weird because it's plugged into a surge protector that my monitor and printer are plugged into, too, and those are both ok. It's just my hard drive that won't do anything. No sputtering, no lights, no nothing. I guess I'll have to take it into Best Buy to find out what's wrong. It's not even 2 years old yet. Sucks. At least I have my work laptop!

C'mon Baby Light My Fire

Lit the pilot light to my gas water heater all by myself last night. Yep, sure did. Still have my eyebrows, too! Scared? You bet. But when faced with the option of a cold shower in the morning, I made it happen. Took me 45 minutes to figure it out and get up the nerve to stick a fire source into an opening you know is being pumped with natural gas, but I did it. And you know what? I had a hot shower this morning, thank you very much.

Insomnia

It's almost 4am and I haven't slept at all. The worst part is, I'm not even tired, so sleep for me is no where in sight. I had a horribly stressful night, so I'm sure that's the cause. I came home from my Easter weekend staying with my parents to a house full of black flies. I have no idea where they came from; I can only assume the attic since my house has been vacant and closed up since Saturday morning. I have heard squirrels up there, so the only guess I can think of is that the flies have congregated because of something the squirrels have up there. Walking into my home was like a scene out of a sci-fi movie. I'm thoroughly disgusted and have disinfected just about everything in the house. It took me 2 hours to kill the 30+ flies with wasp and hornet poison. And as if the thought of flies in my home isn't bad enough, my dog is deathly afraid of anything that flies, so he was going crazy. I was worried that he'd step in poison and lick it off his paw, so I had to put him in my car parked in the driveway while I went through my house. He's still pretty unsettled, which is probably another reason I can't seem to get any sleep. Work's going to be a blast tomorrow. I'll go check to see what's on tv and let those of you lucky enough to be sound asleep know what comes on at 4am. Probably Cheaters or Blind Date.

Taxes

Just finished doing mine. Who the heck knows how to figure out a cost basis for selling stocks from your ESPP stock plan? Various purchase dates, reinvested dividends, first in first out - I probably didn't do it right, but whatever. Remind me next year to go to H&R Block. Either that or marry a CPA between now and 4/15/07.

Got this forwarded to me today and decided to post it. I'll probably make some people mad with this, and I'm not really looking to get into any political debates, but I totally feel where this guy is coming from, whoever wrote this:

Dear President Bush:
I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? I don’t want to be arrested and charged with a felony for going over the border into Mexico illegally like they would most people, oh and to be sure to alert their border patrol that I’m coming, so that they won’t shoot us. And while you are at it, also let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by native English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools should include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals. I also expect fresh turkeys in the market during the last week of November.
12. I would also like to have a job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. Please also advise him that if the above demands are not met, I will get together with my extended family and friends and plan a huge demonstration that will be sure to disrupt traffic- people trying to get to work, to the airport, to school, etc.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

Tornado Warning

Living in the deep South, tornados along with their warnings are just another part of spring. I'm sure Midwesterners can relate. We were taught at a very young age the "duck and cover" position, and in fact, held drills at school where we'd line the walls of our halls in the duck and cover position, much like a school would have fire drills. I can only remember one time being in school and having to actually do the duck and cover for fear of a real tornado. Most of the time we just giggled during drills as most wiggled their butts in the air goofing off. However, the reality is, when faced with the prospect of a tornado, it's really scary.

Yesterday was a glorious day. Skies were blue, sun was shining, temperatures reached 80 degrees, the sun doesn't set until 8 - 8:30pm these days, and after work, I was enjoying a margarita (or 3) with friends on the patio of a local mexican place in town. When I got home around 1am and crashed in the bed, I didn't realize I'd be faced with the possibility of a tornado 3 hours into my slumber. But at 4am, my cell phone rings with a call from my mother: "Kara, there's a tornado warning for our county, you need to get in the hallway and be ready to take cover." Sleepy, and a bit relaxed still from the after effects of the tequila, I didn't really want to get out of bed, but the tornado warning sirens blaring off in the distance compelled me to get up. So I grabbed my pillow, a blanket, some shoes, a flashlight, and my furry "kids", and got in the safest part of my 1 level home - my hallway. I closed off all the doors to rooms to help protect from broken glass in the event of windows breaking, turned on the tv in the other room with the volume up loud enough to hear, and sat there on the hardwood floors waiting for the storm to pass. The lights flickered frequently, and the thunder boomed, but the wind didn't sound like it was that bad. It was still scary to sit alone in the hallway, praying that the Lord would keep me safe. My biggest worry was having some of the large trees around my property tumble onto my roof. I wasn't really in the mood to be crushed by a tree last night. I heard the weatherman say the warning expired at 4:30am, and thankful to have escaped the brunt of the storm, I decided all was clear and got back in my bed to finish my night's sleep.

Waking up this morning, I turned on the tv and happened to catch the news, still oblivious to the damage the storm created. Oblivous that is, until I saw my neighborhood on the news and the newswoman report, "the hardest hit by the storm were Sherwood Lane and Mossy Creek Drive. Let's go live to the scene..." My mouth dropped open, and sure enough, they were reporting just 2 streets over from my house. People's homes were destoyed. Trees had crushed roofs, cars, toppled across the streets, and roofs were blown away. As a blessing, I'm not even missing a single shingle from my roof. It's like it completely skipped over my street.

Here are a few photos I took when I went for a walk with my dog Darby this afternoon. I wasn't allowed in some of the harder hit areas of my neighborhood as it was blocked off with yellow caution tape and police. Pictures just don't do the damage of mother nature justice. I'm thankful to have been under the radar of the fury from the storm.