It's a hard thing to do.
Nicole.
Nicole was the wife of one of my friends. Nicole and I never got along, which is strange because I get along with most everyone. But for some reason, she was always very rude and mean and disrespectful to me. I always thought she felt threatened by me, or insecure around me, so she took it out on me. Anyway, Justin(my ex) was Nicole's husband's best friend. When Justin and I started dating, it about killed Nicole. She couldn't stand the fact that he and I were so serious and she hated me even more - for whatever reason. Maybe she was jealous? Maybe she had a secret crush on Justin? Who knows, but she was always incredibly, intentionally hurtful to me. However, Justin and his friend would want to spend time together, so that left me grinning through my teeth trying to find an ounce of interest in spending time with her during double dates or parties. I always said after Justin and I broke up, that one of the bright spots was that I'd NEVER had to spend time with Nicole AGAIN.
Recently, I received a surprise apology email from Nicole. I haven't spoken to her in years, and frankly, was enjoying it. Out of the blue, I get this random apology email:
Hey Kara!
I am sure that you are totally surprised to be getting this email from me. I had some apprehension about going to Danielle's luncheon but Russ convinced me to go. Before I do I wanted to speak to you about my behavior and how totally ugly and terrible I have been to you in the past. I don't know if it is all that I have been through lately or just that I am trying to get my life straight but I want to apologize to you and ask for your forgiveness. I can't believe the way I acted and how terribly I behaved. Especially towards you. You did NOTHING to deserve the treatment I gave you and I am truly sorry. I actually don't think that sorry could explain the remorse and feelings of guilt I have in my heart. I have been trying to make a changes in my life and change my attitude towards a lot of things. I know that it will take some time but I have to take baby steps to make things better. I do hope that you can forgive me and that we can get past everything that happened in the past. If you are unable I completely understand and it will be totally my fault that the bridge between us has been burnt. I just had to let you know how I felt and how deeply sorry I am for all the hurt I caused. I hope to see you at Danielle's so you can see my little miracle!
Love, Nicole
I know it's legit, and she seems heartfelt. With that said, what I need from you today, internet, is help being a grown-up and accepting her apology. I know I should, and I know it took a lot of courage to send it, but honestly I'm feeling very stubborn, childish, and I don't really want to forgive and forget. I don't want to hold a grudge either, but I do just want to let it go, like I have for the past few years, and go on living our lives without dealing with each other. And now that I know she's going to the luncheon, I don't want to go. Not just because I don't want to be around her, which I could probably get over, but more that she's still friends with my ex, and I don't want her going back to him with any information about me. It's not anger towards him, but I feel that when he chose to not be a part of my life anymore, then that means he doesn't get to hear about my life anymore either. I'm being a baby, aren't I? I know this. I just can't help it. I haven't responded to her email or my friend Danielle's luncheon evite yet.
4 comments:
Well, good for her for having that epiphany, but you're not obligated to become her her pal as a result. I'm normally against lip service (being nice when you'd rather walk away), but sometimes, you have to. I guess it depends on how important this lunch for Danielle is to you. Would you be able to put up with Nicole for a few hours if it meant pleasing Danielle? If so, it seems a small price to pay to listen to her and nod forgiveness. It's not like you have to spend all day with her or become her bestest ever new friend. On the other hand, if you know you're going to have lots of opportunities to spend time with Danielle away from Nicole, then by all means, stay home and your message will be loud and clear: "leave me alone, bitch." BTW, how did she get your e-mail in the first place?
She got it through the evite. And yeah, I don't think I'm going to go.
Hi!
Yeah, I wouldn't be going either. Funny, my ex sent me a stupid instant message today saying he's sorry for how things ended too. I didn't want to respond, and I don't want him to know anything about me either. I think, if it's over, its over! Just like you said, he chose not to be a part of your life, that he can't hear about it either!
Take care! :)
Personal opinion?
Glad you asked.
Let it go. She sure as hell doesn't need to apologize other than to clear her own conscience, probably a result of some form of therapy, profession or self administered.
Regardless, it's an incredibly bold step on her part to reach out. And you don't have to be nice, or even be anything but civil. If you happen to run into her, be politely guarded. Unless she's dense, she'll get the message.
You're doing well right? Job, house, friends? All good?
Thought so.
If your ex happens to find out that you didn't shrivel up and die without him, is that really so bad?
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